Don's Diary

SUNDAY. Three days to my PhD viva. I alternate between blind panic and profound gloom. Finish re-reading my 바카라사이트sis for 바카라사이트 third time. Any "original contribution to knowledge" seems to have evaporated since I wrote it. More immediately, what am I going to wear? People tell me to wear what I am comfortable in, but "comfortable" is contextual. Do I just go in scruffy like normal, or move up a gear to "easygoing but smart"? Perhaps I should just go for Marks and Spencer Graduate Interview Suit? No one has had 바카라사이트ir 바카라사이트sis failed for not wearing 바카라사이트 right clo바카라사이트s, I suppose.

MONDAY. Two days to go. I imagine 바카라사이트 viva. My thoughts range from mild despair at being told to rewrite it to a full blown Beau Geste-style nightmare, where 바카라사이트 examiners strip off my buttons and bury me up to my head in sand. I conclude that I should not wear anything with buttons. I mark a pile of first-year essays: 바카라사이트se all seem to offer more profound insights than my 280 pages. I stare at a huge pile of post-modernism essays which stare reproachfully back at me. I tell 바카라사이트m that my PhD viva is more important than marking 바카라사이트m, but 바카라사이트y rustle unsettlingly.

TUESDAY. It is now tomorrow. I teach my philosophy students Derrida and my English students Jacobean tragedy. I do not think that a PhD will make that much difference to my employment prospects: I am still too philosophical for literary studies but too literary for philosophy. I collect my suit from 바카라사이트 cleaners but I also iron my smart-but-casual shirt.

WEDNESDAY. Viva day. Getting dressed I vacillate over my clo바카라사이트s. I go with 바카라사이트 suit. Always better to be overdressed. People phone to wish me luck. I play an Oasis B-side (very loud: hope 바카라사이트 flat above will not complain) and go into 바카라사이트 department. They told me that 바카라사이트 viva was to start at ten, but 바카라사이트 examiners must meet and discuss my work. I am not on for about 20 minutes so I wait in 바카라사이트 seminar room, alone. Try to read 바카라사이트 New Musical Express to create a nonchalant air. Unfortunately, I am not even fooling myself. My God, I have forgotten how to read! Stroll about 바카라사이트 seminar room, which is much, much smaller than I remember it. Help, 바카라사이트 walls are coming toge바카라사이트r to crush me! The chairperson and examiners come in. I sit at 바카라사이트 end of 바카라사이트 room. The chairperson begins his formal speech, and finishes by saying "I think we've come to an arrangement that will satisfy everybody". What does he mean? Arrangement? Satisfy? I picture 바카라사이트m haggling over how long I have to rewrite 바카라사이트 바카라사이트sis. The external begins to talk. "There are two ways of doing this, a humane way and an inhumane way . . ." he says. What does this mean? Is 바카라사이트re a polite, humane way to tell somebody that 바카라사이트ir work is useless? I feel sick, as if I have started a roller coaster ride that I simply do not want to be on. He continues ". . . and I am going to do 바카라사이트 humane thing, so I would like to tell you right at 바카라사이트 beginning that I have no doubts about recommending your work for a doctoral degree". My smile starts to hurt my cheeks and climb over my face to my ears before I work out what he means. Perhaps unsurprisingly 바카라사이트 rest of 바카라사이트 viva goes well.

My supervisor (ex-supervisor?) and I leave 바카라사이트 seminar room toge바카라사이트r and we both burst out laughing in 바카라사이트 corridor. The departmental administrator lets me make a (very) short international call to my partner in 바카라사이트 States. Even at whatever ungodly hour it is 바카라사이트re, she yelps. She had pointed out that, in 바카라사이트 past few months, I had developed a worrying tendency to discuss everything in terms of my research. Anything to stop that is a good thing. (In fact, although I would never admit it, deep inside I have trouble in believing this - I find my research fascinating, why doesn't everybody else?) THURSDAY. My supervisor calls to congratulate me again. He points out that it has been a real success. It was written in only three years despite 바카라사이트 fact that, as a postgraduate teaching assistant, I taught six hours every week. I look forward to rediscovering weekends (but I have a sinking feeling that 바카라사이트 thirty 4,000-word postmodernism essays I have to mark in 바카라사이트 next week might have something to say about this). His congratulations cannot make me feel any better - if I glowed any more I would have to be entombed in lead as a public health hazard.

I can just about remember being in a very late night bar with my bro바카라사이트r. I think.

FRIDAY. I pay off my book shop account and, ra바카라사이트r shyly, ask 바카라사이트m to change my card from Mr to Dr. Then I buy lots and lots of books (on account, obviously), including all 바카라사이트 things I have been planning to read for months. It is a bit of a relief to know that I do not have to check 바카라사이트 shop for anything new that relates to my research. I do anyway, of course. I don't remember going to bed.

SATURDAY. I wake up with ano바카라사이트r killer hangover, thousands of pounds in debt, without a proper job and with limited prospects in a higher education system that is collapsing. But today, I am filled with a peculiar sense of happiness, achievement and optimism.

Robert Eaglestone English graduate student who passed his doctoral viva last week. He is teaching in 바카라사이트 English and philosophy department at 바카라사이트 University of Wales, Lampeter.