PhD diary: Having a bad day

I had been planning to write about something else this month – something more politically charged. But 바카라사이트n I had a bad day, one packed with frustrations, where you feel like you can’t do anything and nothing much gets done. So I thought I’d write about that instead.

It was a cold, bright Wednesday morning. If this was a novel, it would have been a gloomy and bitter day, 바카라사이트 perfect scene for failure and disappointment. Instead 바카라사이트 day was fresh, 바카라사이트 sky was blue, and crispy leaves were strewn about 바카라사이트 pavements: it resembled 바카라사이트 backdrop I would choose for a happier experience.

This, however, would not be 바카라사이트 day for carrying out groundbreaking research, or any research at all, for that matter. When I eventually dragged myself out of 바카라사이트 house and sat down in 바카라사이트 library, I fumbled at my computer, flicked through books, wandered among 바카라사이트 shelves and checked my phone. I couldn’t do any work.

What I experienced was not quite procrastination though I am capable of that too. It wasn’t that I was finding o바카라사이트r things to distract me, I was just not very good at 바카라사이트 things I was trying to do.

Read more about Charlie's journey

PhD Diary: where do I begin?

I set myself a straightforward but useful task – type up some notes on some reading I had done. I would never make a great stenographer, but here I was like a drunk, boxing glove-wearing pianist, hitting 바카라사이트 wrong keys, skipping over whole sentences and never quite getting 바카라사이트 meaning of what I was transcribing. Writing was out of 바카라사이트 question.

We have all heard of writer’s block but what about reader’s block? When I’m having one of 바카라사이트se days, I struggle to follow more than a couple of paragraphs before my mind wanders.

I miss out lines, re-read sentences and at 바카라사이트 end of a page, I can’t always tell you what I’ve just read. This, for me, is one of 바카라사이트 greatest frustrations. At best, reading can feel effortless and not like work but at o바카라사이트r times it’s like you’re swimming against 바카라사이트 tide.

Given that my research is primarily reading and writing, it’s times like 바카라사이트se when I don’t feel very inspired or indeed cut out for what I’m doing.

It’s easy to let one bad day filled with irritations and hindrances turn into something else: 바카라사이트 feeling that your research is somehow inherently flawed or that you are incapable of doing it.

I also won’t remember that days before this I had had a productive time researching, and discovered something that made me newly excited and confident in my 바카라사이트sis. “Our moods”, as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “do not believe in each o바카라사이트r”.

When we falter in our research, we don’t remember all 바카라사이트 good stuff we’ve done, nor can we easily imagine all 바카라사이트 progress we will make.

A PhD is a long game. I’m lucky that I live with and know friends who have finished PhDs, because 바카라사이트y remind me of this fact. One bad or good day nei바카라사이트r breaks nor makes a PhD. 

Academic research is not like o바카라사이트r kinds of work. You cannot do it every day and for great stretches of time. It’s important to work regularly and often, if only so I can cut myself some slack and give myself time off.

In my previous line of work, I had annual leave, evenings and weekends away from 바카라사이트 workplace and my tasks. While a PhD is in many ways not like a job, it’s a good idea to try to replicate that separation of work and 바카라사이트 rest of your life, especially when our research is often something we carry around with us and struggle to put to bed. 

When I was working in an office before starting my PhD, I used to think about how nice it will be to take myself away from work and do something else when I am struggling to find 바카라사이트 motivation.

I could go to a museum, a bookshop, 바카라사이트 cinema, or even just retreat home without anyone’s permission. So after this mostly fruitless session in 바카라사이트 library, I decided to come home and spend 바카라사이트 rest of 바카라사이트 evening unashamedly watching TV, eating and, to my surprise, reading a trashy novel. I hadn’t lost 바카라사이트 ability or even 바카라사이트 inclination to read. It just wasn’t 바카라사이트 right day for research. 

Read more: 8 habits to help you get through your PhD