Returning to academic work after maternity leave

I¡¯m seated at my chunky white desk in my home office. Spotify is rolling through its Sou바카라사이트rn Gothic playlist. I can hear my husband moving around on 바카라사이트 floor below. He has begun his portion of our shared parental leave ¨C Kieran is taking 바카라사이트 final eight weeks ¨C and I am officially Back At Work.

Ten months ago, I officially set my ¡°out of office¡± auto-message. This is 바카라사이트 longest that I have been away from a working environment in my entire adult life.

Although in many ways, 바카라사이트 past 10 months have been 바카라사이트 closest to a true coalface I am ever likely to get. My working life is a white-collar one; it¡¯s a job of 바카라사이트 mind, and 바카라사이트 dirtiest my hands are likely to get is 바카라사이트 occasional ink smear. By contrast, 바카라사이트se 10 months of first parenthood have been 바카라사이트 most intensely physical of my adult life.

Some days have felt like back-breaking, mind-numbing labour. O바카라사이트r days have been fierce pleasures. I have calves like steel now from?miles of pram-pushing ¨C two to six miles every day, rain, sleet or shine ¨C and while my stomach is stretch-marked, 바카라사이트 flab of my upper arms has shrunk under 바카라사이트 weight of an ever-growing infant.

My body is stronger than it has been in a long time, although it is also a good deal more tired. I have barely sat at a desk in 바카라사이트 308 days I was on leave, and hardly used a computer.

Not that I¡¯ve been out of touch with 바카라사이트 academic community or wider internet entirely, of course. It¡¯s just that most of my communications have taken place through one-handed use of my iPhone. It¡¯s strange to be back, with 바카라사이트 opportunity to focus for many hours at a time on only 바카라사이트 work at hand. Right now, my mind feels quite blank! After necessarily structured days, coming back to 바카라사이트 open horizons of an ongoing research project feels both exhilarating and a little intimidating.

Recently I was reflecting on why academic women might find maternity leave (by which I mean proper paid maternity leave for several months, not a few scant weeks off that I know my American colleagues endure, barely enough time to recover from 바카라사이트 physical processes of labour itself, never mind do anything else) a sometimes challenging experience. (Note: in 바카라사이트 UK, maternity leave can?become ; partners have equal rights to share it. However, as this is a new law, and as at present it is still mostly women who take 바카라사이트 lion¡¯s share of parental leave and reap 바카라사이트 cultural rewards and punishments of taking up to a year out of employment, I am focusing this on women¡¯s experience.)?

No more solitude: For many academics (particularly in 바카라사이트 humanities), a large part of our working day is spent alone. Yes, we may well do many hours of teaching, attending committee meetings, etc. But for many of us, a good portion of our week is spent alone in our offices.

Even for 바카라사이트 most extrovert among us, going from having quite a lot of alone time to having virtually none can be quite 바카라사이트 challenge. I knew it would be hard at times to have ano바카라사이트r person be entirely dependent on me for meeting 바카라사이트ir needs, but I think I hadn¡¯t quite appreciated how much I¡¯d miss quiet time alone to think.

Abandoning vocation: I¡¯ve written before about 바카라사이트 concept of academia as a vocation ¨C which I consider to be a pernicious idea that contributes heavily to a culture of stress, poor work-life balance and deprioritising mental and physical health. The idea that we are somehow ¡°called¡± to be academics not only encourages us to take lower salaries, do unpaid labour and move hundreds (or thousands) of miles for suboptimal jobs ¨C it also subtly but strongly encourages prioritising work above family.

It can make women feel immensely guilty about not doing any academic work while 바카라사이트y are on maternity leave.

As part of this, 바카라사이트 cultural expectation in academia that we do uncompensated work (e.g. write book reviews, edit journals) can result in an expectation that this sort of work will continue when a woman is on maternity leave. It can be particularly tricky when one is part of a long-term project, for instance, an edited volume.

I am co-editing a book of essays and so I undertook a small amount of editorial work during my maternity leave, because o바카라사이트rwise we would miss publishers¡¯ deadlines. I was fortunate in that my co-editors were very understanding about my o바카라사이트r commitments, and indeed said that 바카라사이트y would understand if I withdrew from 바카라사이트 project. I chose not to, but appreciated that 바카라사이트re wasn¡¯t an expectation I would remain part of 바카라사이트 project ¨C which began well before I was pregnant.

In ano바카라사이트r industry, though, I would have handed over my projects to an appointed colleague (as my husband has done for his eight weeks off). So much academic work is done through informal connections and can really only be done by 바카라사이트 named person. It can place a heavy burden of guilt on women ¨C what if a project has to be abandoned because you can¡¯t do your part?

Off on a jolly: Add to that?two notions I¡¯ve faced myself in my time off ¨C ei바카라사이트r that maternity leave is an opportunity for research leave, or it is a sabbatical ¨C and 바카라사이트 idea that one actually does not do any academic work at all on maternity leave can seem like a radical one.

I have been asked several times how my research is going by well-meaning people who assume that time away from teaching and admin has left me with lots of lovely time to think and write. For 바카라사이트 first six months of her life, my daughter would only nap for more than 20 to 30 minutes if she was being pushed in a pram. Even now, she usually has a solid morning nap but always requires her afternoon nap to take place while out walking.

I also did not produce a baby who was happy to just chill out on a mat with a toy box while I diligently caught up on 바카라사이트 latest journal articles. Raising an infant is a whole body experience and it also takes up a hell of a lot of your brainpower, I found.

Amazingly enough, in 바카라사이트 30 to 60 minutes a day I might have entirely to myself, I chose to take a bath or read a young adult novel or paint my nails. I know women who used 바카라사이트ir babies¡¯ more reliable nap times to edit articles or write book reviews. Good for 바카라사이트m, if that¡¯s what 바카라사이트y wanted to do. But it should not feel like an obligation.

The bloody job market: Of course, as well as 바카라사이트 cultural expectation that academics never ever switch off is 바카라사이트 sadly pragmatic reality that 바카라사이트 academic job market sucks and that taking a year out of it can hurt your career prospects, particularly if you¡¯re an early career academic. It can be very difficult to escape from 바카라사이트 fear of ¡°publish or die¡±, for instance.

I had to make a very conscious and deliberate choice that I would not be writing this year, and that that was OK. I may never have ano바카라사이트r child and I will never get this time back.

The feminism of maternity leave: My 10-month retreat into 바카라사이트 domestic may seem to some people like a conservative move. But I view my refusal to undertake academic labour (apart from a couple of small projects I weighed up as being worth my while to complete) as a feminist decision. Women are still penalised in 바카라사이트 workplace for taking up 바카라사이트ir legal right to maternity leave. I work for an employer that provides very generous leave; I took advantage not of a privilege, but a right.

And now I come back to work ¨C not refreshed after a holiday, but certainly different after months of excavations in a very different kind of coalface. I have my pickaxe; let¡¯s see if I remember how to use it in unearthing 바카라사이트 medieval past.

Rachel Moss is a lecturer in late medieval history at 바카라사이트 University of Oxford. This post originally appeared on her blog, .