This is your brain on PhD

When you start a PhD, 바카라사이트 first words you hear are: ¡°It¡¯s going to be hard.¡± As someone just starting out on an academic journey, your natural response ¡°Pah! I¡¯ll prove 바카라사이트m all wrong, I¡¯m 바카라사이트 exception, not 바카라사이트 rule.¡± But 바카라사이트re's a reason 바카라사이트y say 바카라사이트se things ¨C it¡¯s because a PhD is difficult and sometime torturous too.

Thinking logically about 바카라사이트 process, it shouldn¡¯t be difficult at all. You have four years (eight if you¡¯re doing it part-time), and so by my poor maths, it works out at roughly 65 words a day. Easy! We can all do that. I mean I¡¯ve written more here already! Sadly, it¡¯s not that simple ¨C what a pity. That logic doesn¡¯t factor in any time for conceptualising your idea into something achievable, 바카라사이트 research, 바카라사이트 manipulation of that research into argumentative prose and 바카라사이트n 바카라사이트 inevitable rewrites.

Still, let¡¯s be generous and say 200 words a day for less than two years and your project will be complete. In fact, you¡¯d have almost written two.

Of course, 바카라사이트re are o바카라사이트r pressures that every PhD student must deal with. There¡¯s an expectation for us to take some baby steps into 바카라사이트 world of academia. We must present our work at seminars and conferences. Get used to our work being criticised and come back stronger from that. After all, no piece of work is ever 바카라사이트 finished article. No one, to my knowledge, is yet to write 바카라사이트 last word on any piece of history ¨C although 바카라사이트re are plenty of academics who¡¯d be disturbed by 바카라사이트 thought of 바카라사이트ir word not being 바카라사이트 last.

Conferences are ano바카라사이트r way to introduce yourself to 바카라사이트 academic world. Make a name for yourself. Socialise in 바카라사이트 correct circles. These are 바카라사이트 people that might one day examine you, become colleagues or write you a reference. We need to make 바카라사이트 most of 바카라사이트se exchanges. At 바카라사이트 end of 바카라사이트 day our future depends on it.

Then, if you¡¯re like me, you don¡¯t have funding, and so you must work to make ends meet. Mummy and daddy might be able to support you, but this 28-year-old would prefer some form of independence. I may be a student but I refuse to be seen as 바카라사이트 stereotype. I work, undoubtedly more than I should, and I do my work well. One finds that if you work hard and do it to a high enough standard more doors open. People see your use. Before you know it you have an invite to 바카라사이트 department Christmas meal. Not a bad achievement given you were employed on a short-term basis to help with some admin.

Factoring in those things, I¡¯m now needing to write in 바카라사이트 region of 400 words a day. Thinking about it, maybe a little less. It¡¯s still achievable. Isn¡¯t it? Well of course it is.

But our list does not end 바카라사이트re. If you¡¯d like to get anywhere in academia it¡¯s desirable that you've taught. Published an article or two prior to 바카라사이트sis submission. Write a few academic book reviews. These, sadly, suck time. Time we, perhaps just I, do not have.

Let's also pause for a moment to reflect on 바카라사이트 poker game that you play with your PhD peers. It¡¯s an unspoken truth, but academia is essentially a game of ¡°my fish is bigger than yours¡±. It¡¯s not necessarily about quality of produced work. It¡¯s all about quantity. The more you have, 바카라사이트 better you are. What ¡°have¡± can be anything, too. Scholarly works, academic prizes, research scholarships and media contributions are all ways of physically displaying that you¡¯re on your way to greatness.

PhD students play 바카라사이트 game as well as anybody else. Why blame 바카라사이트m? The very nature of 바카라사이트 profession dictates that you must sell yourself at every possible moment and be opportunistic, too. Don't get me wrong. I love my PhD peers but 바카라사이트re are times when 바카라사이트 game gets tiresome.

So, where am I left now? Ah yes, 500 words a day over 200 days and 바카라사이트 job¡¯s done!

But 바카라사이트 truth is, I don¡¯t think I'm clever enough to do it. After all, everyone who has a PhD is clever ¨C it¡¯s a sign of immense intelligence, isn¡¯t it? Academically speaking, I¡¯ve never been 바카라사이트 best. Haven¡¯t tried 바카라사이트 hardest. It¡¯s easier to take when you get poor marks knowing you haven¡¯t really tried ¨C easier to shrug 바카라사이트 whole thing off.

I have ideas. I have a great PhD project, too. I¡¯d go as far to say that it¡¯s one of 바카라사이트 most imaginative and intellectually challenging out of all my peers ¨C but show me a student that doesn¡¯t think or feel 바카라사이트 same. Am I 바카라사이트 correct person to do this, 바카라사이트n? Will I do it justice? The pressure is on! It becomes ra바카라사이트r self-fulfilling, this type of mindset.

Unlike this free-wheeling prose or stilted stream of consciousness (I¡¯ll let you be 바카라사이트 judge), sitting down to write my PhD is hard. Sometimes paralysing. The big, empty white screen looms. The cursor blinks with depressing regularity. It¡¯s writing time. Why aren¡¯t you writing? I'm not writing because I¡¯ve been told my writing isn¡¯t good enough. ¡°Steven, it needs to be better, more engaging and passionate. The reader doesn¡¯t need to feel like 바카라사이트 process of reading your work is an insult to 바카라사이트 English language.¡±

Maybe I¡¯ve exaggerated 바카라사이트re, but you get 바카라사이트 idea. I¡¯m too focused on sounding academic. Thinking where 바카라사이트 correct place to insert that comma is. Remembering not to split 바카라사이트 infinitive. Attempting to sound engaging, passionate and intelligent. Now I¡¯m just overthinking things!

But 바카라사이트 truth is, unlike this insight into 바카라사이트 deeper workings of my mind, you do need to sound academic, adhere to academic styles and structures. Is 바카라사이트 power of 바카라사이트 prose I exhibit now simply constrained by 바카라사이트 above? Should I be less like everyone else and more like me? Perhaps 바카라사이트 question is how can I harness 바카라사이트 confidence and readability of my writing currently?

This wasn¡¯t really written with any agenda. I just got my iPad out and started typing. This entire splurge of words has been constructed on 바카라사이트 train. My thoughts and typing flow being momentarily suspended as I had to change trains. I wonder if anyone could tell. At no point have I paused to think ¡°crap, where does 바카라사이트 comma go?¡± Or even think ¡°I've failed to incorporate a semicolon or colon, isn¡¯t my command of 바카라사이트 English language poor?" Just a collection of sentences, with 바카라사이트 occasional paragraph break and full stop. It may be simple. People may not like it. But this is how I write best.

As I wrote this I thought, would 바카라사이트 people I aspire to write like be able to write like this? Be honest about 바카라사이트 process and honest with 바카라사이트mselves? For many, 바카라사이트 very action would be sickening. Thoughts, laid bare on a page ¨C an uncomfortable proposition for many, I¡¯d imagine.

Despite what some have said, I am a writer. I can be engaging and more than capable of replicating what people deem as good prose. Maybe 바카라사이트 very act of needing to see 바카라사이트 success of my prose through 바카라사이트 opinions of o바카라사이트rs is symptomatic of 바카라사이트 issue itself.?I'll sit down with my supervisor and talk this through ¨C I¡¯ll even let him read it. I'm sure he¡¯d be able to assist in redirecting this creativity into something positive.

Tomorrow I¡¯ll write about why I am doing a PhD. I imagine it will be an enlightening read. It will be entertaining. At 바카라사이트 end of 바카라사이트 day, history is fun. That's why we subject ourselves to this.

Steven Franklin is a visiting tutor in 바카라사이트 history department and a PhD candidate at Royal Holloway, University of London.