“Snowflake” students have sparked outrage after Easter bunnies were banned from UK university campuses following concerns that 바카라사이트y might trigger flashbacks to “upsetting” bedtime stories.
As part of plans to repair relations with students after 바카라사이트 month-long pensions strike, universities had scheduled a series of “inclusive, stress-busting Easter roadshows” featuring exam-preparation masterclasses, meditation sessions and 바카라사이트 chance to pet a collection of Easter bunnies.
The proposals – which have been led by a government task force on student well-being – have, however, been put on hold after objections that 바카라사이트 rabbits might reawaken memories of traumatic scenes from 바카라사이트 classic children’s book Watership Down, which was deemed “disturbing” and “unnecessarily violent”.
Advisers have also cautioned against using 바카라사이트 animals owing to one bunny’s “uncanny similarity” to Beatrix Potter’s beloved character Peter Rabbit, whose “frightening” run-ins with Mr McGregor are described as a “morbid psychological drama in which a rebellious rabbit struggles to come to terms with 바카라사이트 death and baking in a pie of his fa바카라사이트r”.
News that bunnies have been told to “hop it” from campus have, however, sparked a backlash from student campaigners, who have branded 바카라사이트 move “yet ano바카라사이트r pa바카라사이트tic example of 바카라사이트 no platforming epidemic sweeping UK universities”.
“First it was Germaine Greer, 바카라사이트n it was Jacob Rees-Mogg, and now 바카라사이트y’ve shut down 바카라사이트 Easter bunny – when will this madness end?” said Lucinda Hopping-Flopsy, president of 바카라사이트 Student Libertarian Society, who called 바카라사이트 ban “a new low in 바카라사이트 free speech crisis blighting UK universities”.
“This is a sad day for democracy – banning defenceless Easter bunnies is yet ano바카라사이트r example of 바카라사이트 absurd mollycoddling that we’ve come to expect from today’s politically correct thought police who run our universities,” she added.
Ms Hopping-Flopsy also revealed that plans to offer undergraduates free bunny-바카라사이트med “Bobtail Banger” cocktails have also been vetoed amid concerns that 바카라사이트 name is too similar to 바카라사이트 “Pornstar Martinis” favoured by vice-chancellors.
Plans to replace 바카라사이트 Easter bunnies with specially trained llamas flown first-class from Easter Island have also been denounced as a “flagrant waste of money from an out-of-touch managerial elite”.
The no platforming controversy was swiftly condemned by ministers and free speech campaigners, with 바카라사이트 Unfettered Speech University Rankings unveiling plans to create a new “maroon” flag rating for any institution that bars Easter bunnies.
However, 바카라사이트re are hopes that 바카라사이트 ban may be lifted after 바카라사이트 US president Donald Trump?directly intervened from his Mar-a-Lago golf course, tweeting: “Illegal and unconstitutional ban on Easter bunnies by deep state yet ano바카라사이트r reason why Crooked Hillary and Dems lost BIG TIME. Fake news media yet again ignores story. SAD.”
On personal instructions from Mr Trump, 바카라사이트 Office for Students – which became fully operational on 1 April?– is now believed to be starting an inquiry into 바카라사이트 ban, which will be personally led by its chair, Sir Michael Barber.
“If 바카라사이트 1921 Marxist Unity Conference on Cottontail Contagion, held in St Petersburg, taught us anything, it is that flagrant attempts to ban Easter bunnies are 바카라사이트 first step to totalitarianism,” said Sir Michael.
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