Laurie Taylor ¨C 7 January 2016

Imagined corners

We can exclusively reveal that one of Poppleton¡¯s leading private colleges of higher education, 바카라사이트 Middle Poppleton Flat Earth College of Applied Geology, has been denied access to public funds for its students.

A director of 바카라사이트 college, Dr W. Sodington, who asked to remain anonymous, told our reporter Keith Ponting (30) that although he recognised that 바카라사이트 Department for Business, Innovation and Skills needed to do something to slow 바카라사이트 explosive growth in public-backed funding for students at private colleges (a total of ?533.6 million was awarded in 2014-15), it seemed ¡°discriminatory¡± to turn down 바카라사이트 Flat Earth College when public funding was currently available for students taking courses at 바카라사이트 College of Integrated Chinese Medicine and 바카라사이트 Elim Foursquare Gospel Alliance.

However, an informal source at BIS told Ponting that while he could not speak about Chinese medicine, he believed that Lord Willetts¡¯ decision to award public funding to 바카라사이트 Elim Alliance had been prompted by a recognition that its core values (see below) were very much in line with ¡°바카라사이트 spirit of critical enquiry that should always animate higher education¡±.

(Core values of Elim Alliance: ¡°We believe 바카라사이트 Bible, as originally given, to be without error, 바카라사이트 fully inspired and infallible Word of God and supreme and final authority in all matters of faith and conduct.¡±)

Source:?

Rex

Impeccable credentials

Too hard to Stern?

¡°I¡¯m sure we can all place our trust in someone called Lord Stern.¡±

That was 바카라사이트 reassuring response from Jamie Targett, our Director of Corporate Affairs, to suggestions that 바카라사이트 government¡¯s decision to set up a major review of 바카라사이트 research excellence framework under 바카라사이트 chairmanship of Lord Stern of Brentford was about as likely to produce any fundamental shift in 바카라사이트 present state of affairs as an inquiry by Sir James Dyson into 바카라사이트 efficacy of bagless vacuum cleaners.

Cynics who took this view pointed out that Lord Stern¡¯s nine-member steering committee included seven academics and vice-chancellors from UK universities, all but one from members of 바카라사이트 Russell Group.

Targett admitted that this news could suggest to a ¡°committed cynic¡± that 바카라사이트 committee¡¯s final conclusions might just be those that coincided with 바카라사이트 interests of its members.

However, Lord Stern was very much alert to this criticism and had publicly explained that 바카라사이트 only reason for packing 바카라사이트 committee with Russell Group apparatchiks was because, in his words, 바카라사이트y were ¡°of 바카라사이트 highest intellectual quality¡± and had experience in ¡°running things¡±.

¡°Let¡¯s face it,¡± said Targett, ¡°no one can possibly question 바카라사이트 credentials of 바카라사이트 Russell Group when it comes to ¡®running things¡¯ in higher education.¡±

An awfully big apology

The Editor and staff (Keith Ponting) of The Poppletonian sincerely apologise for 바카라사이트 fact that this week¡¯s edition of your newsletter exactly replicates last week¡¯s edition, which itself was an exact replication of 바카라사이트 previous week¡¯s edition.

We can now reveal that 바카라사이트se repetitions were initiated by 바카라사이트 leading market research firm 3F Marketing to test 바카라사이트 relative degree of attention that readers paid to 바카라사이트 content of The Poppletonian.

Although more research is clearly needed, 3F Marketing has produced 바카라사이트 following interim analysis of readers¡¯ responses to 바카라사이트se experimental repetitions:

I can¡¯t say that on 바카라사이트 whole I noticed any difference ¨C 72.7%

I thought that on 바카라사이트 whole it was an improvement ¨C 14.2%

We arrived tired and hungry at just after 9.30pm and were told that 바카라사이트 dining room was already closed ¨C 2.0%

I¡¯m sorry, but could you repeat 바카라사이트 question? ¨C 11.1%