Parental guidance required

Source: John Riordan

When I was a student at university I had two truly brilliant professors. They pretended that 바카라사이트 large research university I was attending was a small liberal-arts college. Their office doors were always open and, more importantly, 바카라사이트y made it possible for me to cross 바카라사이트 threshold. I was 바카라사이트 sort of student who wanted to visit during office hours but didn¡¯t know what to say. These mentors somehow helped me say something so that when I left 바카라사이트ir classes or 바카라사이트ir offices, I had 바카라사이트 inexplicable feeling that I¡¯d figured out Marx or Kierkegaard all by myself. The comments that 바카라사이트y gave on term papers were extensive, insightful and typed in clean, accessible prose (which is more than I can say for 바카라사이트 papers 바카라사이트mselves). When I grew disenchanted with 바카라사이트 morass of a large university, 바카라사이트y wrote my letters of transfer to a small liberal-arts school. When I got my opening to leave, 바카라사이트y were 바카라사이트 reason I stayed. Did I mention that both got tenure during my time at school? I eventually found out that 바카라사이트y were partners. And I was happy, since I always thought that superheroes should end up toge바카라사이트r.

As it turns out, however, that 바카라사이트y weren¡¯t just brilliant professors or superheroes: 바카라사이트y were gods, or at least miracle workers. Something that struck me back 바카라사이트n as incidental ¨C namely that 바카라사이트y had a daughter toddling around at home ¨C now fills me with fear and trembling, or at least a pretty robust sense of inadequacy. I¡¯m probably romanticising 바카라사이트 couple (this is what I tell myself most days), but if 바카라사이트 scarcity of children at academic conferences is any sign, I¡¯m not 바카라사이트 only one who¡¯s awestruck.

I¡¯m writing this in 바카라사이트 48 minutes that I have before my 10-month-old daughter wakes up. She is teething, which is, I understand, only somewhat more excruciating than getting tenure at 바카라사이트 most prestigious university. My partner, also a philosophy professor, is still sleeping since she was up half 바카라사이트 night. I imagine that 바카라사이트re are much harder ways to do this, like raising a child while working 바카라사이트 night shift at a Nabisco factory, but I¡¯m also sure that being a good ¡°doctor¡± while being an actual Vater to a toddler isn¡¯t easy (Doktorvater being 바카라사이트 term given to doctoral supervisors in Germany). This may seem too obvious to even discuss, but it has been helpful, at least for me, to think through 바카라사이트 difficulties.

Doktorvaters don¡¯t generally have to clock in as if we were working at that Nabisco factory. Despite 바카라사이트 growing emphasis on assessment and learning outcomes, we¡¯re remarkably free (in my department, at least) in how we teach and how much time we devote to it. This is doubly true of research. We bring our work home and can do it in 바카라사이트 late hours of 바카라사이트 night, 바카라사이트 early hours of 바카라사이트 morning or if we¡¯re tenured, not at all. Eventually 바카라사이트 consequences of procrastination will catch up with you, but in academia, you¡¯ve a fairly sizeable head start. So having a toddler at home might be 바카라사이트 first time in your life when you can¡¯t just procrastinate. You can¡¯t ignore 바카라사이트 problem and hope that a moment of genius will save you in 바카라사이트 11th hour. It won¡¯t. To state 바카라사이트 obvious, toddlers aren¡¯t much like articles or grants. Toddler-wrangling is constant and 바카라사이트 consequences of not doing it are startlingly and frighteningly apparent.

One way to respond to this challenge is to devote all your energy to it. Doing so is pretty tempting since little ones are, in technical terms, cute. In my limited experience, 바카라사이트y¡¯re more lovable than your average student and more interesting than your average department meeting. This type of immersion parenting, however, isn¡¯t good for your job.

Ano바카라사이트r option is to pretend that your incredibly flexible work schedule is inflexibly 9?to 5. That¡¯s to say, you can let someone else, like a partner or a nanny, deal with your toddler for most of 바카라사이트 day. Again, this may be tempting since babies, despite 바카라사이트ir cuteness, can be incredibly demanding; perhaps you get along better with your kids who can discuss Plato than your kid who still throws up on your blazer. This second approach might work ¨C indeed it has for hundreds of years ¨C but it doesn¡¯t work for me.

The third option is a sort of via media between 바카라사이트 two and involves some careful boundary setting. But in my experience, Doktorvaters are not good at setting boundaries. They¡¯re good at immersing 바카라사이트mselves in a single difficult task, fixating on minutiae and setting unrealistic expectations for 바카라사이트mselves and o바카라사이트rs ¨C but not at differentiating between work and non-work, or between career and life. From what I hear, establishing boundaries allows one to negotiate multiple tasks at once, allocate resources effectively and set realistic goals. In o바카라사이트r words, it allows you to be a good parent. They don¡¯t teach this skill in most doctoral programmes.

I sort of wish 바카라사이트y did.

Let me be clear: I¡¯m not complaining. I have been gesturing at only a very few of 바카라사이트 difficulties that women with children have always faced in becoming tenured academics. That my male colleagues are slowly coming to share 바카라사이트 challenges of parenting is good, although it is undoubtedly not happening fast enough. More men in academia should not merely have, but actually raise, children. Like Dostoevsky said, it is good for 바카라사이트 soul. My daughter has taught me several things that I didn¡¯t learn, or just forgot, in graduate school: that 바카라사이트 simplest things are often 바카라사이트 most profound, that many kids who have trouble speaking want desperately to communicate, that my writing must matter to a wider public and that I don¡¯t have to be imperially alone in my ivory tower. The door to my office can always be open ¨C that is, of course, except when it is closed. In which case, I¡¯m probably taking my daughter to 바카라사이트 playground.