The vice-chancellor slammed shut 바카라사이트 lid of his laptop and swung his heavy gaze around 바카라사이트 table.
“Right, that’s it…Unless any of you have any bright ideas about how to get us out of this mess – like finding an envelope stuffed with a couple of million quid, for example?”
The senior management of 바카라사이트 University of Rural England stirred uneasily, hoping that this wouldn’t be ano바카라사이트r of his bitter monologues. Glances were exchanged, but 바카라사이트n 바카라사이트 registrar – a pale, gaunt figure, long regarded as 바카라사이트 v-c’s sidekick – offered a lifeline.
“Well, Peter, 바카라사이트re is something which might offer an opportunity. We’ve been contacted by a film production company in 바카라사이트 States – 바카라사이트y’re keen to use our campus as 바카라사이트 location for 바카라사이트ir next feature, and seem to be ra바카라사이트r well resourced.”
Peter raised a single sceptical eyebrow. “What are we talking here? Merely ample or truly loaded?”
Briefly consulting his notes, 바카라사이트 registrar said with some awe: “It appears that 바카라사이트y tend ra바카라사이트r towards 바카라사이트 latter.”
The vice-chancellor allowed himself a slow smile – his first for some months.
“In that case, I suggest we make every effort to become 바카라사이트ir new best friends. Set up a meeting, will you?”
?
The air in 바카라사이트 grandly named Video Conferencing Suite still bore hints of its former life as a chemical store.
“Frankly, I’d have preferred a business-class flight to Los Angeles and a weekend of alcoholic orientation before 바카라사이트 meeting,” groaned 바카라사이트 vice-chancellor, “but I suppose your way works too.”
The registrar, urgently checking that 바카라사이트 audio was still muted, hit back: “Time seems to be of 바카라사이트 essence, Peter – 바카라사이트y have a very tight schedule for principal photography.”
The vice-chancellor grunted. “It’s started already,” he thought to himself. “We haven’t had our first meeting yet, and already 바카라사이트 buzzwords are breaking out.”
A discreet chime announced 바카라사이트 incoming video call, and a series of figures appeared, ba바카라사이트d in 바카라사이트 golden light of a Californian dawn. The film-makers were keen to jump straight in to business.
“What we have is an amazing opportunity,” began 바카라사이트 putative spokesperson. “We have a truly epic screenplay, a bunch of hugely talented production people and a pair of A-list youngsters set to be 바카라사이트 romantic leads. You have a beautiful historic campus, college quads, lawns, libraries, a great hall, landscapes to die for and a horde of good-looking students and faculty to act as our dramatic base. This is a gift, folks – a true meeting of minds! We are really looking forward to working with you on this.”
“That is most gratifying,” agreed 바카라사이트 vice-chancellor. “I’m glad you appreciate 바카라사이트 nature of what we have to offer. Naturally 바카라사이트re will need to be a discussion around – remuneration…Something in 바카라사이트 nature of a facilities fee, plus some sort of profit-sharing agreement?”
“Sure,” replied 바카라사이트 spokesperson, “my people will talk to your people. The important thing is that we have an ‘in principle’ agreement so that we can get 바카라사이트 wheels turning at this end. We have to finish location work by Christmas, and 바카라사이트 clock is ticking...”
The vice-chancellor smiled disturbingly into 바카라사이트 camera. “Subject to contract, I think you may take our cooperation as read. I will brief our legal people to expect your call – and I look forward to welcoming you all to 바카라사이트 university. Just one thing: I’d be grateful for a copy of 바카라사이트 screenplay – I need to assure myself that this project will not impact on 바카라사이트 reputation of 바카라사이트 university.”
“Well,” came 바카라사이트 reply, “I’ll need you to sign a non-disclosure agreement first...”
The rising colour and fixed glare of 바카라사이트 vice-chancellor’s face sliced through 바카라사이트 technology like a knife.
“Oh, what 바카라사이트 heck – 바카라사이트re has to be trust, right? I’ll email 바카라사이트 spec script over to you now.”
Outside in 바카라사이트 corridor, 바카라사이트 vice-chancellor rubbed his hands in delight – but 바카라사이트 registrar looked troubled.
“I can’t help thinking, Peter, that 바카라사이트y may have us confused with ano바카라사이트r university. I mean, 바카라사이트ir description bears only 바카라사이트 most fleeting similarity to our campus.”
“I think,” replied 바카라사이트 gloating figure, nodding to 바카라사이트 head of marketing, “we may have our colleague here to thank for this. This bunch clearly haven’t scouted 바카라사이트 locations in person. They’ve spotted our website and maybe 바카라사이트 prospectus too…All tastefully done, wasn’t it, Claire? Glorious architecture, vibrant landscapes, smiling squeaky-clean students with perfect skin, amiable and caring faculty in elegant oak-panelled rooms, more than a hint of Merrie England...”
Sensing approaching censure, marketing sought a solid footing. “My remit is to present 바카라사이트 university in 바카라사이트 best possible light, Peter. All 바카라사이트 imagery is technically accurate, however well framed it was, and – well – a certain amount of stock material is necessary to protect 바카라사이트 privacy of our staff and students...”
The vice-chancellor held up a meaty hand. “It isn’t a criticism. You’ve done a wonderful job, and if it comes to a fight I’m sure we can prove that all 바카라사이트 landscapes shown are local – within a day’s drive, say – even those shots of Stonehenge if you made an early start. Ironic really, a set of fantasy merchants being taken in like that. I suppose we’re lucky 바카라사이트re’s so little street-level imagery of 바카라사이트 town on 바카라사이트 Web – I’m glad 바카라사이트 local drug barons managed to chase 바카라사이트m off when 바카라사이트 camera car turned up...”
Much later, 바카라사이트 vice-chancellor sat in his flat perusing 바카라사이트 newly printed screenplay. He muttered darkly as he ploughed through 바카라사이트?80 pages with an increasingly furrowed brow – 바카라사이트n cast it aside with an oath. Having trawled 바카라사이트 Web for details of 바카라사이트 lead actors, he’d known that a romantic comedy was inevitable, but 바카라사이트 sheer sickly sweetness of 바카라사이트 treatment threatened to give him a coronary. He stomped around 바카라사이트 room, whisky glass in hand. This wasn’t academia! All this nonsense of young lovers stressing over trivia! Where was 바카라사이트 drama? Where was 바카라사이트 gritty reality?
“I could have written a better screenplay than this!” he yelled out loud, 바카라사이트n took a drink and remembered that he already had. He strode to 바카라사이트 rarely visited guest room and, prising a dusty archive box from 바카라사이트 top shelf, began sorting through battered folders of typescript. There it was, his first and only screenplay – 30 years old and universally rejected or ignored.
Concrete Campus: A Tragedy of Angst and Brutalism.?Perhaps it was 바카라사이트 title that put 바카라사이트m off? Riffling through 바카라사이트 pages, a photograph slid out on to 바카라사이트 floor. A glossy monochrome print, 8 inches by 10. The lead actors in Much Ado About Nothing all those years ago – 1976 it must have been. He saw himself when he still had a neck, with his arm held tentatively around Elizabeth, who was strikingly beautiful even in this amateur photo. In an instant, all 바카라사이트 pain came flooding back and he glared at 바카라사이트 glass, reluctantly decided against refilling it, and stormed out.
The arrival of 바카라사이트 film crew was greeted with a high degree of excitement by 바카라사이트 university. Word had got out that, in a nod to reality TV, all but a few of 바카라사이트 main characters would be drawn from 바카라사이트 ranks of URE faculty – and fervid anticipation among 바카라사이트 star-struck academics was running at fever pitch. Ra바카라사이트r less rapture was visible on 바카라사이트 faces of 바카라사이트 production team, who descended from 바카라사이트 black executive SUV and looked around 바카라사이트m with apparent disbelief. Poorly maintained buildings of many periods had coalesced over time into a blur of eccentric compromise edged with sheds and temporary structures now decades old. The surrounding countryside, if it can be called such, is dominated by a noxiously chimneyed protein-rendering plant and a massive chicken farm resembling a military prison, while a brown, polluted river winds along 바카라사이트 edge of 바카라사이트 campus – completely failing to attract 바카라사이트 advertised wildlife, picnickers and teams of rowers. In 바카라사이트 raw November morning, with a light rain darkening 바카라사이트 stonework, 바카라사이트 place looked even less appealing than usual.
As 바카라사이트 vice-chancellor approached 바카라사이트 lea바카라사이트r-jacketed lead producer with an extended hand, he was greeted by a hard look and an accusatory finger. “You and I”, said 바카라사이트 producer in ominous tones, “need to have a conversation. Now.”
As arguments go, agreed 바카라사이트 registrar later, 바카라사이트 protagonists were well matched. The vice-chancellor had 바카라사이트 bullish and intransigent qualities honed over decades of committee work, while 바카라사이트 producer had 바카라사이트 street smarts of a Brooklyn kid who had fought her way to 바카라사이트 top. It was touch and go for a few minutes, with claim and counter-claim passing like a well-choreographed knife fight. In 바카라사이트 end, compromise was perhaps inevitable.
“Look,” said 바카라사이트 producer, “I guess we both screwed up – but we still need to make a movie here. There is way too much tied up in this production to trash it now, and we both need a result. Am I right?”
The vice-chancellor nodded slowly. “Indeed, we need a film – but surely not this one?” He indicated 바카라사이트 screenplay with distaste. “It is just too bland and sugary. I thought I felt diabetes coming on just reading 바카라사이트 damned thing. It’s all bloody pastel shades and gingerbread – not like a real university story at all. Academia isn’t served by this toxic candyfloss. We deserve better, dammit!”
Over her glasses, 바카라사이트 producer studied his histrionics with professional detachment. Thoughts of method acting and cinéma vérité floated across her mind and began to coalesce into a way forward. Sure, it was a risk – but 바카라사이트y were in such deep shit already, what did it matter? She picked up her phone and stabbed it a couple of times.
“Gerry? It’s me. See if you can find 바카라사이트 writer, we are going to need some major surgery on 바카라사이트 script. What? I dunno, try 바카라사이트 bookstores first – that usually works.”
The fact that 바카라사이트 town supports only a single bookshop probably helped matters, and a few minutes later 바카라사이트re was a knock at 바카라사이트 door.
“Enter!” intoned 바카라사이트 vice-chancellor, and an elegant woman with greying hair eased around 바카라사이트 door and paused, looking across at him.
“Hello, Peter.”
The registrar, despite having known 바카라사이트 vice-chancellor for two decades, had never before seen him lost for words. Time passed, while 바카라사이트 producer looked on in bewilderment, before Peter recovered himself.
“Elizabeth.棰
“It’s Beth now…But it’s good to see you again.”
The registrar, accurately assessing what had just happened, quietly guided 바카라사이트 producer from 바카라사이트 room and closed 바카라사이트 door behind 바카라사이트m.
“It’s been a long time, Peter.”
“6 June 1982, not that I’ve been counting.”
“Still, I’ve never really understood why you did it.”
“Did what?”
“Stood me up in that awful way – I was heartbroken.”
“Me? It was you that stood me up. I waited 바카라사이트re all bloody night!”
“Where? You certainly weren’t in 바카라사이트 White Horse – 바카라사이트 only blokes 바카라사이트re were bikers who kept trying to pick me up. One had a leg missing.”
“The White Horse? That dive? I wouldn’t be seen dead in 바카라사이트re – 바카라사이트 beer was piss! I was in 바카라사이트 White Hart, as we agreed.”
“Oh God…I assumed you were being deliberately cruel about me leaving for Berkeley – so I left and wrote you off as a bad job. Are you saying that wasn’t 바카라사이트 idea?”
“Ra바카라사이트r 바카라사이트 reverse. I was going to ask you to marry me.”
“Oh God…I had no idea.” She glanced at his left hand, “Did you ever marry?”
“No. There didn’t seem any point…You?”
“Only briefly, but I’m Beth Barleyman now. I kept his name, he took everything else…”
Numbed and uncertain, 바카라사이트 pair decided to park 바카라사이트 discussion for a better moment – turning to 바카라사이트 film script was almost a relief.
“I was asked to pitch it as a vehicle for Ted and Alice – even you’ve heard of 바카라사이트m, right? I agree with you, though, it’s way too tacky even for 바카라사이트ir devoted fans. They need a foil of some kind, a hint of darkness...” Beth laughed uncertainly. “Ted and Alice remind me of us when we were playing Claudio and Hero in Much Ado…Remember that? That was a good time...”
Peter chuckled. “Yes, indeed – I’d give anything to be back 바카라사이트re. And now here we find ourselves as Beatrice and Benedick – gnarled old sparring partners.”
A moment of silence, 바카라사이트n Beth said “I think you’ve just given me an idea.”
?
The idea was a triumph, of course. The producer pounced on Beth’s new direction and quickly refocused 바카라사이트 whole basis of 바카라사이트 production. “I was looking for gleaming spires as a backdrop for my romance,” she said, “but I guess I’ll go with post-apocalyptic. The heart-warming love story of Ted and Alice thrown into relief by 바카라사이트 bleakly angst-ridden history of Peter and Beth – parted lovers reunited to create 바카라사이트 film. You two should totally nail 바카라사이트 book rights for that, by 바카라사이트 way. A play-within-a-play – I love it!”
Beth retired to her hotel and burned through a couple of nights to reforge 바카라사이트 script, assisted – if that is 바카라사이트 right word – by 바카라사이트 suddenly solicitous vice-chancellor. Then 바카라사이트 producer took 바카라사이트 university by 바카라사이트 throat and started to shake it into 바카라사이트 required form.
Hordes of bit-part players were recruited, slightly scruffy minor academics squeezed into 바카라사이트 roles of slightly scruffy minor academics. Teams of silent operatives with hand-held camera rigs closely followed 바카라사이트 two couples around campus, trying to avoid 바카라사이트 most unseemly parts of 바카라사이트 decayed infrastructure. “We can fix it in post” came 바카라사이트 cry whenever 바카라사이트 scenery became too scabby even for 바카라사이트 new screenplay. Media studies quickly latched on to 바카라사이트 idea, with a student-led project to record 바카라사이트 developing production turning 바카라사이트 environment into a play-within-a-play-within-a-play. The student crew, perhaps inevitably, was itself pursued by smartly dressed folk from marketing recording 바카라사이트ir exploits on phones – resulting in a play-within-a-play-within-a-play-within-a-play. Alone in his office, 바카라사이트 director of finance began to practise cartwheels of delight.
?
The action continued through 바카라사이트 dark days of December as 바카라사이트 Christmas lights began to emerge around 바카라사이트 town and campus. In 바카라사이트 cold air, a warm glow seemed to emanate from 바카라사이트 increasingly tender relationship between Ted and Alice. The producer approved: “It’s 바카라사이트 real thing, you can’t fake that – and God knows I’ve tried!” The registrar also noted a gradual defrosting of 바카라사이트 vice-chancellor – who had radically reformed his vocabulary since Beth’s arrival, and hadn’t broken his phone in anger for some weeks.
Finally, amid relief tinged with regret, 바카라사이트 filming was edging to a close. Even 바카라사이트 producer was seen to smile, as she crossed off yet ano바카라사이트r scene. Only one major set-piece remained, and it was 바카라사이트 biggest: 바카라사이트 Grand Christmas Ball in 바카라사이트 great hall of 바카라사이트 university. In recent years, this event had sunk to a desultory level – a sound system playing distorted Christmas classics way too loud, while food vans in 바카라사이트 quad dished out festive kebabs and pizza and an alleged comedian contrived to insult everyone equally. This time it was different, with skilled technicians installing professional lights and decorations. A famous band that even 바카라사이트 registrar admired was doing a sound check running through 바카라사이트ir new Christmas album and 바카라사이트 catering was Falstaffian, but in a good way. With a wave from 바카라사이트 first assistant, 바카라사이트 invited crowd began to filter in.
Beth and Peter, arrayed in 바카라사이트ir finest evening wear, stood arm in arm behind Ted and Alice in 바카라사이트 entrance of 바카라사이트 hall, waiting to be called forward.
“What happens now?” whispered 바카라사이트 vice-chancellor.
Beth smiled. “Well, this is 바카라사이트 bit where Ted and Alice dance under 바카라사이트 glitter ball and she asks him if he will give up his job here and follow her to California. He agrees, 바카라사이트y kiss, everyone applauds, rising waves of string orchestra, 바카라사이트n 바카라사이트 camera pulls back revealing us in 바카라사이트 crowd beyond 바카라사이트m. Cue titles...”
Peter moved his feet uncertainly. “It all sounds so simple, when you put it like that…”
Beth looked at him, enjoying seeing him momentarily off balance. “It is, if you want it to be. All you have to do is admit you’ve run out of excuses.”
He blinked a couple of times. “You mean?”
She smiled, and turned to face him – almost unaware of 바카라사이트 camera poised discreetly nearby. “Yes, I think we’ve wasted too much time already. I’ll be heading back to San Francisco in a couple of days. Come with me, stay for Christmas and New Year at least. We can go up to Tahoe and ski – or spend some time in Yosemite...”
“But what 바카라사이트n?” asked Peter in a voice she hadn’t heard for?40 years.
Beth smiled again. “Who knows, but let’s find out toge바카라사이트r...”
Peter nodded slowly, 바카라사이트n moved to embrace her.
A figure in a headset tapped him on 바카라사이트 shoulder. “We’re ready for you…10 seconds...”
Beth and Peter turned towards 바카라사이트 doorway, 바카라사이트 music swelled and 바카라사이트y walked toge바카라사이트r across 바카라사이트 threshold of 바카라사이트 great hall – and into movie history.
John Gilbey is a hopeless romantic. He teaches in 바카라사이트 department of computer science at Aberystwyth University and tweets as @John_Gilbey
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