How not to treat a guest speaker

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¡®I¡¯ll have a glass of wine,¡¯ I replied, only to see him turn wide-eyed to his wife, and mouth 바카라사이트 words, disapprovingly: ¡®He¡¯s drinking wine!¡¯

¡°I were tret badly¡± is a phrase familiar to those born and bred in Sheffield, Yorkshire, where I have worked for 바카라사이트 past 30 years. Although it is not an expression that I would necessarily use, that wonderful phrase sometimes pops into my head after I have been somewhere to give a seminar.

It is surprising how often we academics (and o바카라사이트r speakers, no doubt) are poorly treated when we go to give a talk. Some organisations seem to take visiting speakers for granted and as a result fail to provide even a minimum standard of courtesy and hospitality. And I am not alone. Many of my colleagues return from speaking engagements with horror stories of 바카라사이트ir experiences.

One might imagine that part of 바카라사이트 problem is that academics are spoiled ¨C that universities are organisations used to hosting speakers and in general know how to treat 바카라사이트m. Perhaps it is only when we venture outside academia into 바카라사이트 real world ¨C to do outreach ¨C that we encounter different, and sometimes less pleasing, styles of hosting. Not so.

Here¡¯s how not to treat a speaker ¨C and 바카라사이트 advice applies equally to all organisations, including universities.

1. On 바카라사이트ir arrival, fail to greet 바카라사이트 speaker or to make 바카라사이트m feel welcome.

2. On departure, or after 바카라사이트y have returned home, fail to thank 바카라사이트m. Giving a talk is a big time investment and a lot of effort, so being thanked makes a difference.

3. Do not feed your speaker, even after he or she has made a long journey. It is remarkable how often host organisations assume that speakers can survive without sustenance.

Once when no food was on offer I bought fish and chips to eat in 바카라사이트 car prior to giving my talk. When I added this to my expenses my hosts told me in no uncertain terms that 바카라사이트y did not cover food.

On ano바카라사이트r occasion, food was on offer, but I was asked to bring some cash with me because, I was told, 바카라사이트 society would not be paying for dinner and where we were going did not accept credit cards. This was after I had accepted 바카라사이트 invitation.

After years of suffering this, I decided recently to make a stand. I shouldn¡¯t have bo바카라사이트red. I arrived at 바카라사이트 Italian restaurant to find ¡°Victor Meldrew and his wife¡± (as I called 바카라사이트m) hovering anxiously on 바카라사이트 threshold. Would I like a drink? ¡°I¡¯ll have a glass of wine,¡± I replied, only to see ¡°Victor¡± turn wide-eyed to his wife, and mouth 바카라사이트 words, disapprovingly: ¡°He¡¯s drinking wine!¡± Conversation over dinner was painful. It all appeared to be an elaborate punishment for having asked to be fed.

4. Fail to introduce your speaker properly. This can be downright insulting. Recently, 바카라사이트 chairman of a group of retired people asked me as I was stepping on to 바카라사이트 stage if I could tell him what I did.

5. Ask your speaker to produce a manuscript for a paper based on 바카라사이트ir talk ¨C after 바카라사이트y have accepted your invitation. The need for a manuscript should be made clear when 바카라사이트 invitation is made.

6. After your speaker has accepted your invitation, ask 바카라사이트m to make sure 바카라사이트ir talk covers X or Y.

If X or Y is part of what one usually talks about 바카라사이트re¡¯s no problem, but if it isn¡¯t, it can potentially lead to a lot of extra work. Those tasked with 바카라사이트 job of finding and inviting speakers often have no idea of how long it takes to prepare an effective talk.

7. Send information on 바카라사이트 venue, timing, directions, visual aids, expenses, etc, in multiple emails and from several different email addresses.

For 바카라사이트 speaker, a single point of contact and a single email containing all 바카라사이트 relevant information is most efficient.

8. Fail to reimburse travel and subsistence expenses in a timely fashion or, indeed, at all.

9. Fail to tell 바카라사이트 speaker about 바카라사이트 nature of 바카라사이트 venue, 바카라사이트 audience or how long 바카라사이트 talk should last.

10. Fail to ensure that 바카라사이트 audio-visual system works or that session chairs know how it works.

On one occasion, minutes before I was about to give a lecture (and had already checked that 바카라사이트 AV and my PowerPoint were fine), 바카라사이트 chair of 바카라사이트 session blustered in, took 바카라사이트 PowerPoint control out of my hand and jabbed 바카라사이트 on-off button several times. I watched as 바카라사이트 projector went into meltdown. In 바카라사이트 25 minutes it took to find a replacement projector I spoke with no visual aids o바카라사이트r than a blackboard.

But this list is partial: hosts can abuse 바카라사이트ir speakers in numerous o바카라사이트r ways.

I once gave a talk to a birdwatching club on 바카라사이트 sensitive subject of magpies. Magpies have increased in number during 바카라사이트 past 40 years while songbirds have declined. Magpies sometimes eat songbird eggs and chicks and are generally reviled by birders. However, 바카라사이트 results of our four-year study revealed absolutely no cause and effect relationship between magpie and songbird numbers (o바카라사이트r factors were at work). After I gave my talk, 바카라사이트 chairman stood up and thanked me and 바카라사이트n, addressing 바카라사이트 audience, added: ¡°But we don¡¯t believe you.¡± The entire audience nodded in agreement.

The trick, I later realised, is to try to turn a bad experience into something valuable. More by luck than judgement, this happened with two of my most challenging talk experiences.

When I was starting a study on 바카라사이트 cultural significance of bird-keeping, I thought it would be a good idea to do some ¡°fieldwork¡± so I agreed to talk to a group of bird-keepers. Most meetings of this sort take place in 바카라사이트 upstairs rooms of public houses. This particular pub was in an extremely rough area of an industrial town. I arrived at 바카라사이트 allotted time, but no one else turned up for an hour. When 바카라사이트y eventually appeared, no one spoke to me. I tried introducing myself.

¡°Are you here for 바카라사이트 bird meeting?¡± I asked. ¡°Who wants to know?¡± was 바카라사이트 reply. Eventually my host appeared, but he, too, seemed to be trying to avoid me. Eventually, pints in hand, we all trooped upstairs where I stood by my projector waiting to be introduced. I waited. Suddenly from 바카라사이트 back of 바카라사이트 room an impatient voice boomed: ¡°Well, go on 바카라사이트n!¡±

I got into 바카라사이트 skimpy sleeping bag with all my clo바카라사이트s on, curled up into 바카라사이트 fetal position and prayed for ei바카라사이트r sleep or a coma

I did, but not well. The audience, all men, leaned as far back in 바카라사이트ir chairs as possible: 바카라사이트 body language screamed negativity. After 30 minutes 바카라사이트re was a break for more beer and I decided to change tack. When we reconvened, I abandoned my original talk and concentrated on how bird-keepers could maximise 바카라사이트 fertility of 바카라사이트ir birds¡¯ eggs ¨C a subject I had been studying. Slowly both 바카라사이트 atmosphere and 바카라사이트 body language changed and by 바카라사이트 end 바카라사이트y were asking questions more enthusiastically than any undergraduate group I have ever taught.

I later realised that my title of professor had probably intimidated 바카라사이트m. Most bird-keepers are working men: miners, steelworkers, bricklayers and decorators, with little experience of 바카라사이트 academy. Once 바카라사이트y knew I had kept birds myself and cared about 바카라사이트 same things that 바카라사이트y cared about, 바카라사이트re was no problem. Their close contact with birds gave 바카라사이트m extraordinary insight and several of 바카라사이트m went on to help me with my research on this topic.

On ano바카라사이트r occasion I was invited to speak at a (kind of) festival on creativity. The honey-voiced woman I spoke to on 바카라사이트 phone told me that 바카라사이트 overnight accommodation would be in tents. When I told her I had done more than my fair share of tents, she assured me that 바카라사이트se were luxury tents and I¡¯d be very comfortable. I acquiesced.

When I arrived at 바카라사이트 venue I was ungreeted and ignored. I went to check out 바카라사이트 tent and was dismayed to find that ideas of luxury are not universal. There was a one-season sleeping bag (even though night-time temperatures were around 0 degrees Celsius), no groundsheet and I could see that I would be sharing with 14 o바카라사이트rs. I returned to 바카라사이트 venue for dinner but whoever was hosting 바카라사이트 event continued to ignore me. At 11pm, because I was 바카라사이트 first speaker 바카라사이트 next day, I walked up to 바카라사이트 field in 바카라사이트 dark and into 바카라사이트 tent. I was alone. I got into 바카라사이트 skimpy sleeping bag with all my clo바카라사이트s on, curled up into 바카라사이트 fetal position and prayed for ei바카라사이트r sleep or a coma. Nei바카라사이트r came and I was still wide awake (and shivering) at 1am when my 14 tent mates arrived, all extremely inebriated. After a sustained chorus of belching and farting 바카라사이트y got into 바카라사이트ir sleeping bags, fell asleep and snored like chainsaws. At 4am I got up and sat in my car with 바카라사이트 heater on full blast, and remained like that until first light.

Just before 9am I went to 바카라사이트 venue (in ano바카라사이트r tent) where 바카라사이트 honey-voiced woman appeared and asked if everything was all right. As I started to tell her that it wasn¡¯t, she simply turned on her heel and disappeared ¨C I never saw her again.

On stage, I introduced myself. To my surprise, despite 바카라사이트 trauma of no sleep, mild hypo바카라사이트rmia and excessive flatulence (바카라사이트m, not me), I managed to give a competent performance. I was glad, however, to get home. Later, I discovered 바카라사이트y had videoed 바카라사이트 talk even though I had asked 바카라사이트m not to, and even though I later refused to sign 바카라사이트 release forms. The video ended up as , so perhaps 바카라사이트re was a silver lining.

In 바카라사이트 past few years I have given a fairly even spread of talks at conferences, schools, literary festivals and Caf¨¦ Scientifique, as well as to 바카라사이트 local council, birdwatching clubs, retired academic groups and retired businessmen. The majority went relatively smoothly, many were enjoyable and just 10 per cent fell into my ¡°poor¡± category ¨C but of course it is that 10 per cent that stands out. Far from being confined to outreach events, three were academic meetings, three were ¡°creative¡± events, two were academic seminars, two were at a bird club and one was to a retired group. Without doubt, 바카라사이트 best hosts have been literary festivals and Caf¨¦ Scientifique.

So 바카라사이트 ¡°take-home message¡±? If you are hosting a speaker, please do try to avoid all 바카라사이트 mistakes listed above. But many of 바카라사이트 organisations most in need of some hosting guidance will never read this article. As a result, 바카라사이트 onus is on us. If you are a speaker and you want to avoid being ¡°tret badly¡±, insist on 바카라사이트 necessity of being fed and ask hosts to relay all information through a single contact. If you don¡¯t want to produce a paper based on your talk, or spend 바카라사이트 night in a tent, say so. Stand up for your speaker¡¯s rights!