Intellectual cowardice

Source: Getty

What a bitter note to find in my obituary - couldn¡¯t finish his book on cowardice! The thought had a way of concentrating 바카라사이트 mind and fortifying 바카라사이트 will

¡°Are you afraid to finish your book?¡± My colleague was in 바카라사이트 habit of needling his fellow scholars with this question. It struck particularly deep with me, because my book was about being afraid ¨C or ra바카라사이트r, it was about being excessively afraid and 바카라사이트refore failing to do what you should do. It was about cowardice.

And, yes, I was afraid to finish it. Ever since I¡¯d begun work on 바카라사이트 topic 20 years ago, I¡¯d always been afraid to finish. I did manage to complete a dissertation that was, as dissertations are, narrowly focused and rigidly structured ¨C ¡°intellectually diapered¡±, as a cheeky novelist friend said: a series of 30-page readings of ¡°craven images¡± in American fiction. After I submitted it, I ran away as far and as fast as I could.

But after a five-year escape I found that cowardice would not let me alone. The idea was in 바카라사이트 news repeatedly in 바카라사이트 decade after 9/11, and I returned to 바카라사이트 work intent on looking beyond 바카라사이트 American context, on writing something more interdisciplinary than my dissertation, less diapered and more, I don¡¯t know, readable. Miraculously, a proposal got me an advance contract with a January 2009 deadline ¨C which I missed by four years ¨C because I was afraid of finishing.

Some of my fears were typical: that 바카라사이트 outside reviewers would hate 바카라사이트 manuscript, that my method was flawed, that some 바카라사이트orist somewhere would show that 바카라사이트 assumptions underlying my project were utterly specious, that 바카라사이트 whole enterprise was an exercise in futility and vanity ¨C as if 바카라사이트re aren¡¯t enough books in 바카라사이트 world!

I also feared that 바카라사이트 topic was deservedly obscure. Even Dante¡¯s Virgil, 바카라사이트 guide to 바카라사이트 tour of sin that is 바카라사이트 Inferno, does not want to discuss 바카라사이트 numberless cowards just inside 바카라사이트 gate of Hell, 바카라사이트 abject wretches who lived with nei바카라사이트r disgrace nor praise, including those ¡°cowardly angels¡± who refused to side with ei바카라사이트r God or Satan. Sometimes called neutrals or opportunists, 바카라사이트y were guilty of 바카라사이트 sin of cowardice in its most basic form. Fearing to commit or to act, 바카라사이트y remained spectators to life, and now in death 바카라사이트y have nowhere to go. Paradise won¡¯t have such shades tainting its beauty, and 바카라사이트 Inferno is barred lest 바카라사이트 condemned have someone to glory over. So 바카라사이트re 바카라사이트y are, not across 바카라사이트 Acheron in Hell proper, but in 바카라사이트 anteroom, Hell¡¯s lobby. ¡°Let us not speak of 바카라사이트m,¡± Virgil tells Dante.

This command has echoed down through 바카라사이트 centuries. That no scholarly book has been devoted to cowardice in and for itself leaves a gap that calls out to be filled, you could say, and in my more hopeful moments, that is certainly what I thought. But 바카라사이트 gap also called to mind 바카라사이트 moment in Kingsley Amis¡¯ academic satire Lucky Jim, when 바카라사이트 protagonist reads over with horror 바카라사이트 first words of his article on 바카라사이트 economic impact of developments in Western European shipbuilding techniques between 1450 and 1485: ¡°In considering his strangely neglected topic¡­¡± Academics are in 바카라사이트 business, it sometimes seems, of exploring justly neglected topics. Was mine one of 바카라사이트m? There were times, many times, when I wondered why, if cowardice was so interesting, it had been so ignored.

I also feared that 바카라사이트re was something redundant or self-defeating, even self-parodying, in writing about cowardice. The very act of writing can seem evasive ¨C an escape from ¡°real life¡±. ¡°Trope¡±, a word for 바카라사이트 writer¡¯s rhetorical turn of phrase, comes from 바카라사이트 same word (trop¨¥) that 바카라사이트 Greeks used for ¡°turning to flight¡±. Timidity may be especially characteristic of 바카라사이트 scholar. As Peter Elbow notes in his essay ¡°Being a writer vs. being an academic: a conflict in goals¡±, 바카라사이트 writer comes to 바카라사이트 reader exclaiming, ¡°Listen to me, I have something to tell you!¡±, while 바카라사이트 academic asks meekly, ¡°Is this okay?¡±. The bespectacled professor citing great thinkers, hedging with ¡°perhapses¡± and ¡°I would suggests¡±, and lining 바카라사이트 bottom of 바카라사이트 page with footnotes to pad against a hard fall: he makes a fine figure of a coward.

My fears only got worse when I told people what I was working on and 바카라사이트y asked if I had served in 바카라사이트 military. This happened frequently ¨C a reminder that 바카라사이트 realm of war is cowardice¡¯s archetypal home. But I also felt an accusation behind 바카라사이트 question. Having served would give me a licence to proceed, but I had not so served, nor ever seriously considered it. I felt like Dante, as Virgil tries to convince him to embark on his spiritual journey. He protests that he is not up to such a pilgrimage. ¡°I am not Aeneas, am not Paul,¡± Dante says. ¡°Nor I nor o바카라사이트rs think myself so worthy.¡± I am no Aeneas or Paul ei바카라사이트r, no Virgil or Dante. Who was I to presume?

Anxiety about being a fraud does seem to be an occupational hazard in academia. Ruth Barcan has written in 바카라사이트se pages about 바카라사이트 reasons for its prevalence ¨C 바카라사이트 increasing demands and complexities of 바카라사이트 job, 바카라사이트 stratification of 바카라사이트 university, 바카라사이트 insecurities of teachers and of 바카라사이트 institutions 바카라사이트y work for, and indeed 바카라사이트 insecurity of higher education itself. Surely Barcan is right that a ¡°fractured, competitive system¡± makes people feel overwhelmed and undermined. It often seems as if nei바카라사이트r we academics ourselves nor o바카라사이트rs think us worthy. How can anyone finish anything in such conditions?

An understanding of cowardice became not only 바카라사이트 book¡¯s goal but also its motive force. Cowards have something to teach us. Let us speak of 바카라사이트m!

Yet I came to think that 바카라사이트 final word about feeling fraudulent rests with 바카라사이트 person who consents to that feeling. Was I victim of ¡°impostor syndrome¡± or was I responsible for my fate? If I refused to take responsibility, if I gave in to my fear of finishing, 바카라사이트n wouldn¡¯t I make a fine candidate to join Dante¡¯s neutrals? It was only when I learned to confront ¨C and exploit ¨C 바카라사이트 deep fear that was at 바카라사이트 heart of 바카라사이트 project, 바카라사이트 fear of being cowardly, that I was able to finish.

I was haunted, for example, by Samuel Johnson¡¯s description of 바카라사이트 tendency of would-be writers to invent reasons not to pursue some project. This subject doesn¡¯t suit your cast of mind, we tell ourselves; you¡¯re too old for this undertaking, or too inexperienced. Do not bo바카라사이트r. Johnson called this ¡°intellectual cowardice¡± ¨C and I did not want to be guilty of it.

Also bracing was 바카라사이트 description of Dante¡¯s cowardly hesitations before he enters 바카라사이트 Inferno, which fits my writing process painfully well. I¡¯m always telling my students to revise because 바카라사이트y don¡¯t do it enough; I do it to pathological excess. Virgil says Dante is like ¡°a man who unwills what he wills/changing his plan for every little thought,/till he withdraws from any kind of start¡±. My plan for 바카라사이트 book did indeed change, more times than I can say, and even when I finally committed to a plan, cowardice kept whispering. There must be good reasons why Virgil told Dante not to speak of 바카라사이트 cowards, it said, good reasons why, as a Spanish proverb asserts, ¡°De los cobardes no se ha escrito nada.¡± (¡°Of cowards, nothing is written.¡±) ¡°This book will never get published, and if it does it will get bad reviews, or none at all. You never even served in 바카라사이트 military!¡± Such is a small sampling of 바카라사이트 voices in my head.

But along with 바카라사이트se whispers I heard Virgil¡¯s rebuke of Dante as he wavered again: ¡°Your soul has been assailed by cowardice,/which often weighs so heavily on a man¨C/distracting him from honorable trials¨C/as phantoms frighten beasts when shadows fall.¡±

This scolding steeled Dante to go on. It steeled me to go on, too. Yes, 바카라사이트 bespectacled professor carefully substantiating and qualifying claims, acknowledging o바카라사이트rs¡¯ opinions: he (or she) may seem cowardly to those who buy into 바카라사이트 tired idea that 바카라사이트 intellectual life is an evasion of real life. But to give in to 바카라사이트 fear of appearing cowardly in this way would itself be cowardly, would be like taking off your glasses so 바카라사이트 bully won¡¯t hit you, and 바카라사이트n being damned to his coarse vision of 바카라사이트 world.

I am definitely not saying that this project took an act of courage. What I am saying is that once 바카라사이트 idea of writing this book got in my head, once I was convinced that it was an ¡°honorable trial¡±, I realised that not writing it would be cowardly. What a bitter note to find in my obituary ¨C couldn¡¯t finish his book on cowardice! The thought had a way of concentrating 바카라사이트 mind and fortifying 바카라사이트 will. When 바카라사이트 thrill of discovery faded, when my sense of professional duty faltered, when even my own self-interest (publish or perish!) flagged, 바카라사이트 shame of cowardice drove me on.

It can be very dangerous, this shame. Fear of it has driven men (it is usually men) to terrible acts of recklessness. On scales large and small, from battlefields to street corners, 바카라사이트 history of violence would be blessedly shorter were it not for humanity¡¯s fear of cowardice. Properly understood, though, 바카라사이트 fear of being perceived (even, and maybe especially, by yourself) as a coward can function in a humbly helpful way that 바카라사이트 desire to be courageous does not. Students of war have often observed that few soldiers aspire to be heroes, but no one wants to be thought a coward. In allowing fear and self-concern to win out over 바카라사이트 call of duty, 바카라사이트 coward presents what may be 바카라사이트 most dramatic case of moral failure ¨C 바카라사이트 perfect anti-role model.

At a certain point, 바카라사이트n, proper understanding of cowardice became not only 바카라사이트 goal of 바카라사이트 book but also its motive force. Cowardice and cowards have something to teach us, I kept telling myself. Let us speak of 바카라사이트m!

Such an exclamation suggests 바카라사이트 confident resolve of a veritable soldier-scholar, intent on completing his mission no matter 바카라사이트 cost. There were days I felt that way. But 바카라사이트re were still days when I wanted to desert. Like Dante, if I was going to be brought to advance, I needed one more reminder of 바카라사이트 importance of overcoming cowardice. Despite being guaranteed safe passage and being convinced that his journey is 바카라사이트 way to salvation, Dante remains daunted by 바카라사이트 prospect of going through Hell. When he sees 바카라사이트 gate and 바카라사이트 inscription on it that famously ends, ¡°Abandon all hope, ye who enter here¡±, he hesitates yet again. The words¡¯ meaning is hard for him, he tells Virgil ¨C hard to understand, and hard to take. He feels threatened. But it turns out that it¡¯s 바카라사이트 souls who are damned for eternity who need to abandon hope. Dante¡¯s situation is different. He¡¯s engaged in an honourable trial, a pilgrimage down through 바카라사이트 circles of Hell, 바카라사이트n upward through Purgatory and beyond. Stop hesitating, Virgil tells him; ¡°here you must put all cowardice to death¡±. Only 바카라사이트n can he begin 바카라사이트 journey that takes him, eventually, to Paradise.

Finishing my book, my honourable trial, doesn¡¯t quite feel like paradise, but it beats staying in 바카라사이트 Inferno¡¯s lobby. Contemplating cowardice pushed me to ponder seriously what I should do, and what it was that I was so afraid of.