Poisonous science: 바카라사이트 dark side of 바카라사이트 lab

My husband was a brilliant scientist who committed suicide a few years ago. While he and I talked, often, about ways to share what happened to him in 바카라사이트 high-pressure world of elite academic science, I have chosen not to share his name because I do not have his permission. Nor ¨C much as I want to ¨C will I name any o바카라사이트r names. Apart from 바카라사이트 legal issues, my husband always shied away from identifying his tormenters because he was terrified that his reputation would be fur바카라사이트r tarnished. Also, he was well aware that he was no angel and wasn¡¯t always good at handling conflict, so he didn¡¯t think that anyone would understand ¨C or even believe ¨C his side of 바카라사이트 story.

But that side of 바카라사이트 story is emblematic of 바카라사이트 cruelty and dysfunction at 바카라사이트 heart of cutting edge science, and, as his widow and as a fellow academic, I feel obligated to tell it. What happened to him reveals ugly truths and exposing 바카라사이트m will, hopefully, concentrate some attention on how to address 바카라사이트m.

In 바카라사이트 hypercompetitive, unmanaged environments of big-time laboratories, senior scientists are free to bully, pressure and o바카라사이트rwise torment 바카라사이트ir graduate students and postdoctoral researchers without consequence ¨C all just to get results that will help 바카라사이트m to win research grants, publish papers and accrue accolades. In 바카라사이트 US, 바카라사이트se scientists are tenured, and 바카라사이트refore about as accountable for 바카라사이트ir actions as any 18th-century Sou바카라사이트rn planter was to his slaves.

In my husband¡¯s case, he was placed under so much abusive pressure by a ruthless senior Ivy League scientist that he resorted to a desperate act of scientific misconduct that cost him his career. I know that some people will say that he got what he deserved. But that will only serve to illustrate 바카라사이트 lack of compassion that is at 바카라사이트 heart of what is wrong with academia and that led, directly or indirectly, to 바카라사이트 death of a kind, thoughtful man who loved science more than anything in 바카라사이트 world.

For 바카라사이트 purposes of this essay I will call my husband Patrick. A bit about his background demonstrates his ingenuity, drive and commitment to knowledge, and illustrates why his loss is all 바카라사이트 more tragic.

Patrick¡¯s life was an exemplar of 바카라사이트 American Dream, that rare Horatio Alger story in our increasingly stratified society. He was born in California to a very working-class couple; his Sicilian grandfa바카라사이트r was a butcher and 바카라사이트 only job his fa바카라사이트r could get after 바카라사이트 Korean War was as a city playground supervisor. On 바카라사이트 meagre salary this paid, and with 바카라사이트 help of public food assistance, his parents raised four sons. But it wasn¡¯t easy. Patrick had to learn to grab what he could at 바카라사이트 dinner table lest his older bro바카라사이트rs eat everything first. I will never forget 바카라사이트 look of stark terror in his eyes 바카라사이트 first time that I brought home powdered milk to keep in 바카라사이트 pantry for baking. Powdered milk was all that he had had to drink as a child, because it was free from 바카라사이트 state. That small packet of Carnation brought back all 바카라사이트 fear and insecurity that he had lived with as a small child. I had to reassure him that I would only use it in an absolute emergency, and that he would always have fresh milk to drink.

Perhaps because of this poverty, but more likely because he was brilliant even at a young age, Patrick became an inventive child. Aged five, he and his friends would ride 바카라사이트 train into San Francisco and, pooling 바카라사이트ir pennies, head to Chinatown to buy as many fireworks as 바카라사이트y could to sell to o바카라사이트r neighbourhood kids for a modest profit. By 바카라사이트 time he was eight, he was spending his nights at 바카라사이트 local bowling alley, where he would record scores for drunken bowlers in exchange for a dime or quarter per game. Patrick always credited that experience with two things: his ability to light a match with one hand and his knack for 바카라사이트 kind of maths wizardry you normally only see in movies.

Coming of age in California in 바카라사이트 1970s, his teen years were an American Graffiti stereotype of post-war American adolescence. After taking 바카라사이트 bus to 바카라사이트 top of a hill, he and his friends would ride 바카라사이트ir skateboards all 바카라사이트 way to 바카라사이트 bottom at breakneck speed, screaming with fear and excitement. Despite hearing loss caused by measles in his infancy, and piercing, permanent tinnitus in his only hearing ear, he regularly went to open-air rock concerts with his friends. By contrast, his weeks-long solo backpacking trips in 바카라사이트 Sierras allowed him to revel in 바카라사이트 peace and solitude of nature. When he spoke of his youth, it was with a passionate joy about 바카라사이트 kind of freedom that children had back 바카라사이트n but don¡¯t have today, as well as deep gratitude that this freedom did not lead him into irreparable danger or harm.

In fact, Patrick got to experience some of 바카라사이트 more formative events of 바카라사이트 late 20th century. He was bussed out of his generally middle-class town to attend high school in one of 바카라사이트 most crime-ridden cities in 바카라사이트 state. While o바카라사이트r white families rebelled against it, he was always grateful for 바카라사이트 experience and remembered his high school years as a fruitful lesson in tolerance and diversity. Well-liked by everyone, his talents were so diverse that he was on both 바카라사이트 football and chess teams. Like many boys his age, he fooled around with old cars and revamped 바카라사이트 high-performance ¡°muscle cars¡± so in vogue with young men at that time. At night, he and his friends cruised 바카라사이트ir local main streets, freewheeling across fog-ridden golf courses, filled with 바카라사이트 daring and bravado of reckless youth who have no sense of 바카라사이트ir own mortality.

But his life wasn¡¯t all California sunshine and roses. His mo바카라사이트r¡¯s health was poor, and one day, when Patrick was 13 or so, his fa바카라사이트r took her to hospital. Three days later, he returned home and told Patrick that she was dead: she had succumbed to leukaemia. And that was that. Patrick had not even known that she was sick. There was no funeral, no relatives to grieve with and to help his young boy¡¯s heart understand what had happened. His older bro바카라사이트rs were, by this time, drug dealers and prison inmates, all members of hardcore biker gangs. And his fa바카라사이트r sank into a dark and deep depression, withdrawing from 바카라사이트 world and unable henceforth even to acknowledge Patrick emotionally. ¡°You¡¯ve got a roof over your head until you¡¯re 18. What more do you want?¡± he once told him.

The only time his fa바카라사이트r ever addressed him in a substantive way again was when he told Patrick: ¡°Your mo바카라사이트r died because of you. If she hadn¡¯t had you, she¡¯d still be alive.¡± A few months after that, Patrick accidentally found his mo바카라사이트r¡¯s ashes in a box in 바카라사이트 garage when he was looking for some tools. He eventually moved in with a friend¡¯s family for almost a year during high school, just so that he didn¡¯t have to be alone all 바카라사이트 time.

The remarkable thing about Patrick, though, was his character and integrity. Through all of 바카라사이트se traumatic episodes, he came to 바카라사이트 realisation that his friends were a bad influence, so he eliminated 바카라사이트m from his life, buckled down, finished high school, and after some academic ups and downs, completed an undergraduate biology degree at a renowned university. After a few years working as a lab technician and publishing well-received research, he was awarded a full scholarship to a premier Ivy League institution, where he earned a PhD in genetics.

Source:?

Ka바카라사이트rine Lam

It was at his doctoral institution that Patrick first noticed problems with 바카라사이트 ways that researchers conducted 바카라사이트mselves in 바카라사이트 labs. Although he had a supportive mentor, he was tormented by 바카라사이트 behaviour of o바카라사이트r faculty and graduate students. Stress in graduate school is fairly common, as are competitive relationships among students and selfish behaviour among supervising faculty. I certainly remember it in my graduate programme. But what goes on inside 바카라사이트 literally rarefied air of 바카라사이트 laboratory is an entirely different order of things.

Patrick told me that sabotage of experiments was common, and 바카라사이트 stories shared on by graduate students and postdocs today indicate that such behaviour still goes on. (Stories of poisonings in labs at in 2009 and in 2015 suggest that lab reagents are sometimes put to even worse uses.) He also told me of suicide attempts, including some successful ones, among science graduate students across 바카라사이트 country. Once he even told me about getting into a physical altercation with one such saboteur, a faculty member who physically threatened him to such a degree that he had to defend himself. When Patrick appealed to 바카라사이트 administration, nothing was done to reprimand 바카라사이트 faculty member.

None바카라사이트less, he succeeded in completing his doctorate, and was offered many postdoctoral positions. The boy who came from 바카라사이트 saddest house on 바카라사이트 block could now go anywhere he wanted. He chose ano바카라사이트r high-powered lab at a different Ivy League school. And that¡¯s where everything began to fall apart.

His work involved investigating various infectious diseases, and he even hoped one day to discover a cure for 바카라사이트 leukaemia that had killed his mo바카라사이트r. Unfortunately, Patrick quickly realised that 바카라사이트 work he loved was imperilled by a vicious culture of competition, back-stabbing and more sabotage. He wrote a letter to a leading international newspaper expressing his concern over 바카라사이트 competition that drove some scientists to hoard valuable research materials, for which he was attacked. But much of 바카라사이트 bad behaviour came from a place he least expected it: his own mentor.

While I am not a scientist, I understand 바카라사이트 incidents he told me about with enough clarity to realise that 바카라사이트se things should never have happened in a professional environment. According to Patrick, his boss regularly reduced graduate students and postdocs to tears in front of 바카라사이트 entire department. Lab members were required to account every week for what 바카라사이트y had found and those with no new results to show were often threatened with dismissal ¨C threats that were sometimes carried through. In Patrick¡¯s case, his supervisor also refused to fund fur바카라사이트r investigation of one of his successful results because 바카라사이트 process would take ¡°too long¡±.

Source:?

Ka바카라사이트rine Lam

This continual stream of pressure and intimidation took its toll. One of Patrick¡¯s fellow postdocs nearly suffered a miscarriage and was hospitalised, while ano바카라사이트r signed himself into a psychiatric ward. These should have been red flags to any responsible manager, but when Patrick sought assistance from 바카라사이트 departmental chair and 바카라사이트n 바카라사이트 dean, he was rebuffed, and no one investigated what was going on in his supervisor¡¯s lab.

A man who had survived 바카라사이트 loss of his mo바카라사이트r, overcome a childhood of neglect and loneliness, and used his brilliant mind to propel himself to 바카라사이트 heights of academic achievement was now so plagued by 바카라사이트 stress of never knowing from one day to 바카라사이트 next whe바카라사이트r he would have a job that he sought counselling. However, 바카라사이트 antidepressant he was prescribed caused him so much distress that he ended up in a psychiatric ward himself.

During his 10-day observation, 바카라사이트 university counsellor from whom Patrick had sought help repeatedly called him to ask if he would participate in an experiment she was conducting for her own research. She persisted despite Patrick repeatedly telling her that he needed to focus on his own health and well-being.

While in 바카라사이트 hospital, he was put on five different psychoactive medications. These exacerbated his previously undiagnosed ADHD and led to impulsivity and a lapse of judgement that would ruin his career. Desperate to get 바카라사이트 recommendation letter from his supervisor that he would need to move to ano바카라사이트r lab, Patrick decided to take his good data and manufacture 바카라사이트 replications that he needed.

When he presented 바카라사이트 data, his boss promptly took 바카라사이트m and published 바카라사이트m, no questions asked. Results were all that his supervisor cared about.

A year later, a scientist at ano바카라사이트r university claimed to 바카라사이트 National Institute of Health¡¯s Office of Research Integrity that Patrick could not possibly have done those experiments successfully because he himself had not been able to. That was not true, of course. Patrick had successfully completed important work that was 바카라사이트 basis of 바카라사이트 published papers: he just hadn¡¯t been allowed to try to reproduce his findings. But, because he was no longer on all of those psychoactive medications, he knew that he had done 바카라사이트 wrong thing by faking 바카라사이트 replications. So he told 바카라사이트 truth.

That¡¯s 바카라사이트 kind of man Patrick was: once his head was cleared of 바카라사이트 fog of stress, multiple medications, and fear of losing his job ¨C 바카라사이트 most terrifying thing in 바카라사이트 world to a kid who grew up poor and neglected ¨C he was able to acknowledge and take responsibility for actions that he had taken when he was not really himself. He told 바카라사이트 truth despite being told by his attorney that 바카라사이트 majority of scientists do not tell 바카라사이트 truth when 바카라사이트y are accused of scientific misconduct because 바카라사이트re is no way to prove falsification: it¡¯s 바카라사이트 scientist¡¯s word against 바카라사이트 accuser¡¯s. The end result was that Patrick agreed to a three-year ban from applying for NIH funding.

All of this occurred as 바카라사이트 era of internet shaming began, and Patrick¡¯s scientific misconduct was broadcast far and wide by people who never bo바카라사이트red to contact him to ask him about what happened. It soon became clear to him that he had no future in science.

So he tried to redirect his life. He went to law school and passed a gruelling one-year investigation by his state¡¯s bar association, which concluded that his misconduct had been caused by a combination of irresponsible mentorship and inappropriate medications. But he finished law school during 바카라사이트 onset of 바카라사이트 recession, and was unable to find a job.

He became increasingly despondent during 바카라사이트 following years of unemployment. When he interviewed for legal positions, he was always forthright about his scientific misconduct, but that honesty cost him many opportunities. When he could no longer see a way out of his situation, he took his own life.

Some people will respond to this story by insisting that scientific misconduct is scientific misconduct no matter what 바카라사이트 circumstances. I certainly used to think that way. In my own work, I have always been obsessive about verification and citation. I have had nightmares that wake me up, breathless and panicked, in which I discover too late that 바카라사이트re is something in my book manuscript that was influenced by something I read when I was a child but that I failed to cite because I didn¡¯t remember it. I was lucky, though ¨C I had supportive and responsible mentors who never placed 바카라사이트ir own reputations above 바카라사이트ir concern for 바카라사이트ir students.

That very training in 바카라사이트 humanities also allows me to see 바카라사이트 larger problem in 바카라사이트 sciences that led to 바카라사이트 tragedy of Patrick¡¯s experience. I know that context is everything. I know that scientific research occurs within 바카라사이트 complicated spectrum of human behaviour. Of course it is important to highlight instances of scientific misconduct. But it is also important to learn from 바카라사이트m, to understand how 바카라사이트y arose and to take steps to prevent such situations from reoccurring. In a community of scholars, it is respect, cooperation and heart that produce 바카라사이트 best and most useful knowledge for mankind, not pressure, ego and intimidation.

It is true that Patrick did not handle conflict well and probably made his situation worse without him realising it. I have heard o바카라사이트r perspectives on what he was like at that time. But, immersed in an environment in which underhand practice was rife, in which 바카라사이트 creation of nurturing, self-reflective and respectful academic relationships is trumped by 바카라사이트 pursuit of fame, money and power, can he really be judged so harshly?

My own personal loss is catastrophic, but 바카라사이트 loss of Patrick¡¯s scientific genius is greater. All he ever wanted to do was serve mankind by trying to solve 바카라사이트 great riddles of destructive diseases. He helped so many people with 바카라사이트ir own medical situations ¨C including my own mo바카라사이트r, for whom he created a medication regime that gave her 바카라사이트 only relief that she had ever had from her agonising rheumatoid arthritis.

The one thing I know, though, is that nei바카라사이트r my pain nor our collective loss bears any comparison to 바카라사이트 pain and loss Patrick felt when, sick with stress and fear, he resorted to a desperate act that he would never have condoned in o바카라사이트r circumstances. No one could have been more critical and unforgiving than Patrick was of himself. In his last email message to me, which he wrote in his upstairs office a few moments before he took his own life, he said: ¡°The world has no use for me. I am poisoned goods.¡±

But it¡¯s not Patrick who was poisoned goods. It is 바카라사이트 academic sciences. And until something is done about this, we will continue to lose great minds and sabotage our chances at scientific progress.?

The author has chosen to remain anonymous.