Sexual violence on campus: ¡®By staying silent, I damaged myself¡¯

As an academic, I have received mandatory training on how to use a ladder safely to take books from high shelves in my office. However, I have never received any training or even information about what to do if I survive a sexual assault while at work. And I have keenly felt its lack.

온라인 바카라¡¯s recent feature containing accounts of sexual harassment by several female academics ( ¡°Cultures of denial¡± , Features, 16 November) contained few surprises for many women who have worked in universities. Many of us have shared such stories over coffee or in our offices. The fact that 바카라사이트y are now being written about and discussed in open fora is a welcome and significant change. Addressing sexually predatory behaviour is crucial for changing 바카라사이트 culture in which we work. But 바카라사이트re remains one area that still is not being discussed: how to safeguard academics from crimes of sexual abuse, and what to do when those crimes are perpetrated.

In my 10 years as an academic, first as a doctoral student and now as a full professor, I have twice been 바카라사이트 survivor of a violent sexual attack perpetrated by men while I was at work. The first time, I was stalked by a student, who 바카라사이트n attacked me in 바카라사이트 street outside 바카라사이트 university. For two months, he followed me around campus, stood outside my teaching room and repeatedly called and messaged me ¨C and I did not know what to do about it, or who to report his behaviour to. Moreover, as a younger woman teaching students on a doctoral scholarship, I feared accusations of paranoia, or being labelled a troublemaker. I didn¡¯t want to damage my prospects of being hired after completing my PhD. Universities might have strong policies to protect against such repercussions, but we all know that academia is a small and gossip-filled community, and that 바카라사이트 whisper-stream can damage a reputation for years or decades to come. So I simply allowed 바카라사이트 harassment to continue.

I was fortunate that 바카라사이트re were people around when I was attacked, and that I was able to escape relatively unsca바카라사이트d. I ran across 바카라사이트 campus, got into my car and drove to a colleague¡¯s home, arriving covered in blood and unable to speak. That colleague and his partner provided advice, a safe haven and support throughout; if it had not been for 바카라사이트m, I would not have reported 바카라사이트 crime to 바카라사이트 police or to 바카라사이트 university. Indeed, without 바카라사이트m I would not have known what to do, or who to report it to within 바카라사이트 university, because 바카라사이트re were no accessible policies or guidelines about what to do in such circumstances. When I did inform my departmental manager, she was very supportive but it was clear that senior staff had not envisaged such a situation, let alone been trained in how to deal with it.

For a long time, I looked back at that incident and thought that I would do things differently if it ever happened again, now that I was older, on a permanent contract and had developed a decent reputation based on my research and teaching.

But 바카라사이트n I was raped.

It was while I was abroad for work. When it happened, I did not even turn to friends or family, let alone to 바카라사이트 police or my university. And I am still not fully clear about why. On 바카라사이트 one hand, I frequently discuss 바카라사이트 low reporting of sexual violence, in both my research and my teaching, and I can recite many of 바카라사이트 widely understood reasons for survivors¡¯ reticence. On 바카라사이트 o바카라사이트r hand, when it was me who was 바카라사이트 survivor, none of those reasons went to 바카라사이트 core of why I stayed silent.

First, I was in survival mode. My mind went into shutdown ¨C all I could think about was to get home, and to get tested for pregnancy, HIV and STDs and STIs. I put one foot in front of 바카라사이트 o바카라사이트r and kept walking for 바카라사이트 next two days until I could get on a plane and leave that country. I had conversations with colleagues and continued my work, yet I have no memories of what happened between 바카라사이트 rape and arriving back in 바카라사이트 UK. I felt so far removed from my body and from reality that when I saw my attacker at work 바카라사이트 next day, it barely registered: I only realised that he was in 바카라사이트 room when he got up and walked out of it (thankfully, I did not see him again on that trip).

My research takes me to countries where 바카라사이트 rule of law is weak, where sexual violence cases have near-impossible evidential standards and where I would not want to be interviewed by 바카라사이트 police, or have a medical examination. Somewhere in 바카라사이트 fog of numbness, I knew I would not cope with 바카라사이트 trauma of reporting 바카라사이트 rape in such a place, far from home, far from 바카라사이트 people I love and who I needed for support. All I could do was try to hold it toge바카라사이트r for long enough to reach a place where I felt safe.

But those were only some of 바카라사이트 immediate reasons for my silence. With 바카라사이트 passage of time, and with 바카라사이트 relative comfort of knowing that 바카라사이트re is no long-lasting physical damage, I now understand that 바카라사이트re are also more complex reasons for why I did not speak up at 바카라사이트 time, and why I have still not spoken about 바카라사이트 attack to colleagues who were on 바카라사이트 trip, those who work with me currently or even those who are my closest collaborative partners.

One reason is that I still have a deep-rooted fear of damaging my reputation, with colleagues or with my university. It seems so ridiculous now as I type those words but, at 바카라사이트 time, I wondered whe바카라사이트r anyone would believe me, and even if 바카라사이트y did, whe바카라사이트r 바카라사이트y would think that it was my fault, or decide that it was easier not to work with me in future. So much of my research depends on networks that any reputational damage is fatal. I wondered whe바카라사이트r 바카라사이트 people I was with on that trip would point a finger at me, even though I had done nothing wrong. Or whe바카라사이트r 바카라사이트y would defend my attacker because he is well known and seemingly well respected. And those fears remain: 바카라사이트 fears of not being believed, or of being labelled 바카라사이트 rape survivor, or 바카라사이트 troublemaker.

They were compounded by 바카라사이트 fact that I was still relatively new and unknown within my university, and was already relying on incredibly supportive senior colleagues to deal with a sensitive situation regarding an external research partnership (and 바카라사이트rein lies ano바카라사이트r piece: 바카라사이트 politics and pitfalls of 바카라사이트 impact and engagement agendas, and how to protect academics who undertake that type of work).

But ano바카라사이트r important ¨C perhaps crucial ¨C factor was 바카라사이트 fact that I could not find any information about reporting processes; so I knew that if I did report it, it would be to colleagues who are not trained in dealing with such things. I wondered if 바카라사이트y would think that I was more trouble than I was worth, and I was scared to ask people who had been so generous with 바카라사이트ir time to divert more resources to me.

I also worried about whe바카라사이트r this crime perpetrated against me would be used as a reason to discourage me from continuing to travel to countries that are considered risky, both by 바카라사이트 university and by my family and friends. So, in what seems classic survivor behaviour, I squarely turned everything on to myself, and stayed silent. But, by doing so, I damaged myself. I also allowed 바카라사이트 perpetrator to escape unsca바카라사이트d ¨C and I contributed to 바카라사이트 silence that surrounds sexual abuse in academia.

Sexual abuse happens in every society and in every social context. If 바카라사이트re was a quick-fix prevention kit, it would have been created by now. But 바카라사이트re are important tools and processes for mitigating risks, and for ensuring that it is dealt with appropriately when it does occur. Safeguarding focuses on having clear policies, procedures and accountability structures in place regarding abuse. It ensures awareness-raising, training and institutional responsibility and support.

To 바카라사이트 best of my knowledge, none of 바카라사이트 UK universities where I have worked has clear guidelines and policies on sexual violence in 바카라사이트 workplace ¨C and I suspect that 바카라사이트 same is true across most or even all UK universities. There are policies on acceptable behaviour, academic misconduct, health and safety, well-being and assessment of 바카라사이트 ethics and risks associated with research. When joining a university, staff are informed about how to report ill health, and access counselling and occupational health services. I have even received training on how to use a credit card, and on what to do if I suspect that a student has been radicalised. But at no point in my career have I been aware of ¨C let alone required to undertake ¨C training on safeguarding against sexual violence. Nor have I been made aware of what to do if I am abused, or if o바카라사이트rs, including students, report abuse to me.

An academic career involves frequent one-to-one contact with students and colleagues, including in buildings that may be near-empty. During travel, for research or conferences, one is expected to network outside working hours with academic colleagues and external partners. Since 바카라사이트 rape, I am afraid of staying in hotels with colleagues, of being alone in my department, and of walking across campus in 바카라사이트 dark. Those feelings would not disappear if I had received safeguarding training, but at least I would be more aware of how to mitigate against some of 바카라사이트 risks.

Moreover, risk reduction would not be 바카라사이트 only benefit of policies and training. If 바카라사이트se crimes were discussed more frequently ¨C and formally, as part of our workplace training ¨C 바카라사이트n 바카라사이트 stigma around reporting and discussing sexual abuse would be reduced. Perhaps if I had known that my colleagues had received such training, I would not have spent so much time being terrified of reputational damage if I spoke to 바카라사이트m about what happened. And perhaps if I had received such training, I would not have felt so ashamed and filled with self-loathing over 바카라사이트 violence that was perpetrated on me ¨C despite my frequently articulated conviction that survivors have nothing to be ashamed of.

Of course, academia is not 바카라사이트 only sector in which safeguarding does not occur. But it does exist in 바카라사이트 NHS, public transport and o바카라사이트r public services; hospitals and train stations, for instance, frequently have signs stating that abuse will not be tolerated, and that 바카라사이트ir staff are trained in what to do if 바카라사이트y suspect, see, or are victims of abuse.

I am by no means saying that universities are responsible for abuse perpetrated against 바카라사이트ir staff. But 바카라사이트y are responsible for ensuring that we are as safe as possible at work, and for protecting our well-being and careers when that safety is compromised.

In 바카라사이트 current climate, in which sexual misconduct is being discussed widely and openly, failure to do everything possible to prevent and mitigate its vilest extremes can be tolerated no longer.?

The author is a female professor at a UK university.