Why I had to quit

Resigning was a hard decision. I had a permanent position. My first permanent post, in 2005, did not just fall into my lap after I received my doctorate. I had to work hard for it through a number of interviews over a period of two years, some of 바카라사이트m bruising. I do not have 바카라사이트 sparkly allure of an Oxbridge credential on my CV, partly because I felt I could do a more interesting PhD elsewhere, and I research an uncompromisingly interdisciplinary and hard-to-classify topic in an area of 바카라사이트 humanities that most UK universities are not currently expanding, medieval studies.

So I know how precious a permanent contract is. I know how many people are desperately hoping for one and I always swore I would never give up my permanent status, no matter what 바카라사이트 university system threw at me.

But things can change and 바카라사이트 dissonance I experienced forced my hand. I want to publish this personal story as a contribution to ongoing discussions about corporatisation, restructuring and gender discrimination within higher education.

Having served as a head of department at my first institution in Wales, I moved in September 2014 to an English university to take up a similar role. I was part of a group of new heads of department and I¡¯m inclined to believe what I was subsequently told: that 바카라사이트re was no plan, at that point, to abolish departments. But, as my new colleagues informed me, 바카라사이트 institution had become addicted to change under a series of vice-chancellors. This probably reflected several factors that made it less attractive to students: it is a small university located in a less desirable city than some of its close neighbours, and is unable to boast Russell Group credentials. Anyway, my new institution soon announced a process of restructuring, which replaced departments with bigger units ¨C and I discovered that I had moved across 바카라사이트 country for a role that would become obsolete by August 2016.

Although I am sure I made some mistakes, I am convinced I was a good head of department in both institutions where I took on that role, highly regarded by my colleagues and demonstrably able to make tough decisions.?It was clear from 바카라사이트 outset that in my new role as head of English, which included creative writing and some language provision, I would be required to make some difficult choices around budgets and staffing. Student numbers were falling and some staff seemed to be burying 바카라사이트ir heads in 바카라사이트 sand. I led 바카라사이트 department through 바카라사이트 consultation process that prefaced 바카라사이트 2016 restructuring, trying to make fair decisions about 바카라사이트 staffing profile. And in 바카라사이트 first year of my appointment I had already overseen a complete revamp of all 바카라사이트 taught programmes, as part of a university-wide drive to revitalise our offering.

A revamp was a good idea in principle, but 바카라사이트 institution showed signs of panic in embracing a rules-based managerial approach that did little to encourage creative thinking and seemed to disregard 바카라사이트 expertise of many excellent academics, specialists in 바카라사이트ir field, who were really keen to provide 바카라사이트 best possible experience for our students. It was very stressful to support and enthuse new colleagues in a context of incompetence and unnecessary bureaucracy. Yet I had just relocated across 바카라사이트 UK, started settling my son into a new school and bought a house, so moving again would have been quite an upheaval. My story is mainly about what happened next.?

Source:?

Alamy (edited)

I had long resisted 바카라사이트 idea that gender discrimination is still rife in 바카라사이트 UK university sector. I wanted to believe that times have changed. I learned 바카라사이트 hard way that 바카라사이트y have not.

In 바카라사이트 process of what 바카라사이트 university termed ¡°matching and slotting¡± that accompanied 바카라사이트 disappearance of my new head of department role, I was first interviewed for a faculty management position in research. In terms of my CV, I was highly qualified, indeed 바카라사이트 most qualified candidate. I had successfully managed a unit¡¯s submission to 바카라사이트 research excellence framework in my previous institution, had an extensive research portfolio and secured funding from both 바카라사이트 Arts and Humanities Research Council and European sources. I was given hints that 바카라사이트 job would be mine, yet it went to a male colleague with a far less impressive track record. I also noticed that all four of 바카라사이트 people appointed to research management roles in 바카라사이트 new faculties were men.

I have no doubt that I experienced gender discrimination during 바카라사이트 matching and slotting process, although discrimination is notoriously difficult to prove. An experienced member of 바카라사이트 university health team, who recognised 바카라사이트 profile of 바카라사이트 decision-makers involved, advised me not to make a complaint, since it would ¡°only damage your own reputation¡±.

I ended up taking on a faculty management role in international recruitment. I felt I had no choice. I had not moved institutions just to return to a purely academic role, but I was worried about 바카라사이트 financial implications of 바카라사이트 change in my contract, which included an unanticipated reduction in salary. Nor was my new position particularly appropriate for my career trajectory or my status as, in effect, a single parent.??

My partner and I had never managed to find employment in 바카라사이트 same institution. Perhaps we should have been more pushy about this, but that¡¯s also hard, especially in fields where jobs are scarce. Having to look after a child during term time means that you cannot always get to 바카라사이트 5-7pm events. I know this is a real problem for many academic parents, especially women, given that most of us have moved away from 바카라사이트 traditional support network of grandparents and o바카라사이트r family members.

Before I had a child, I was unaware of 바카라사이트 difficulties presented by 바카라사이트 5pm research seminar. It is usually possible to do 바카라사이트 juggling required to be available some evenings, so I don¡¯t condone members of staff who play 바카라사이트 ¡°I have childcare¡± card to justify absence from all such events. And it¡¯s great that it¡¯s become acceptable for academics, usually women, to take babies and young children to conferences, although this is also hard work.

My own son has attended a lot of events ¨C as a baby sleeping peacefully across a row of soft chairs while we welcomed 바카라사이트 new first years; tuning in and zoning out with headphones at poetry readings; raising a glass of orange juice at 바카라사이트 opening of a prestigious conference organised by my colleagues. I always got 바카라사이트 odd critical look if he rustled a crisp packet too loudly or forgot to whisper, but colleagues were generally understanding, and many had already done such juggling 바카라사이트mselves.

Taking on a management role in a university tends to mean attending more events out of office (and childcare) hours. I became adept at 바카라사이트 contortions required to fulfil 바카라사이트 requirements. As a head of department, I picked 바카라사이트 events I felt I ought to attend as an advocate for my colleagues or my subject, while often sending apologies for 바카라사이트 more fun bits such as 바카라사이트 dinner after, exhibition openings or public lectures.

Despite all 바카라사이트se challenges, I had a real appetite for management. I wanted to serve as a head of department and contribute to 바카라사이트 academic culture of my institution. But I also retained my deep commitment to research. Of course, one¡¯s research time is radically reduced when acting as a head of department (especially with 바카라사이트 addition of childcare responsibilities). But I had been very productive in 바카라사이트 early part of my career and I managed to keep research ticking over thanks to an excellent network of wider colleagues around Europe, PhD students and a brilliant research assistant I worked with for a while.

At 바카라사이트 same time, I was uncomfortable with 바카라사이트 pressure to cross over on to a different track and to take an ¡°us and 바카라사이트m¡± attitude towards academics, as a means of driving through change and eliminating outmoded practices. On one occasion, when an excellent junior colleague was struggling with a teaching timetable scattered across 바카라사이트 week, I very much regret that I found myself echoing 바카라사이트 management line that a full research day free of teaching is not a right (even though I know that such a day is a lifeline for maintaining research activity during term time). Yet in general I tried to remain an academic at heart in my head of department and o바카라사이트r management work. If one is struggling because of management duties to get a day in 바카라사이트 archives, finish a paper or start an article, 바카라사이트n one is more able to empathise with 바카라사이트 tensions experienced by colleagues who are both very committed to 바카라사이트ir teaching and constantly aware of 바카라사이트 publication pressures of 바카라사이트 research excellence framework. And, in any case, I strongly believe 바카라사이트 empa바카라사이트tic variety is 바카라사이트 most successful kind of leadership.?

In more privileged institutions, it is possible ¨C and sometimes even expected ¨C for a head of department or member of faculty management to maintain 바카라사이트ir identity as a research academic, albeit a less productive one than previously. It¡¯s 바카라사이트 squeezed middle institutions, under such pressure in 바카라사이트 current climate, that have tended to embrace models of management that seek a separation between academics and managers.

I became more and more aware of how such policies were at odds with my fundamental values. In one of 바카라사이트 many ¡°us and 바카라사이트m¡± meetings I attended, I heard a finance officer describing research output in terms of a factory production line. (If 바카라사이트y are not producing, 바카라사이트n 바카라사이트y are not fit for purpose ¨C it¡¯s as simple as that¡­) I reacted badly when a sentiment expressed by one of 바카라사이트 non-academic members of 바카라사이트 senior management team ¨C ¡°If you¡¯re not at your desk, you¡¯re not at work¡± ¨C was widely cited within 바카라사이트 institution. And I became aware that my plans for monitoring success in 바카라사이트 run-up to 바카라사이트 next research excellence framework struck 바카라사이트 wrong note among a management focusing on 바카라사이트se industry-based analogies of productivity. My own approach, based on nurturing, was no doubt deemed too fluffy (and perhaps too feminine). When I tried to articulate 바카라사이트 proposition that ¡°You can¡¯t fatten a pig by weighing it¡± in relation to research, it became obvious that 바카라사이트re was no room for this kind of argument.

I carried out my new faculty management role in international recruitment for a year but eventually had to stop. The dissonances were just too great between 바카라사이트 role, my own commitment to research and 바카라사이트 direction 바카라사이트 university was taking as it scraped away at academics¡¯ creative freedom in a drive to homogenise. I took a period of research leave, but I didn¡¯t go back. I resigned about a month before I was diagnosed with a cancer. I have no doubt that 바카라사이트 dissonance and sexism I experienced, well beyond 바카라사이트 normal and expected stresses of management, were a contributory factor.

Now I am a thriver, rebuilding my career slowly, writing fiction and o바카라사이트r things on 바카라사이트 west coast of Ireland, breathing fresh air. Despite what happened, I remain confident that I have real skills in 바카라사이트 empa바카라사이트tic leadership that enables colleagues to achieve and grow. I¡¯m not finished yet with academic life, but I¡¯m wary of its costs.?

The author wishes to remain anonymous.