Any port in a storm

Having incautiously clicked ¡°reply all¡± when emailing a colleague, Boris Litvak approached 바카라사이트 vice-chancellor¡¯s office with some trepidation.

¡°What a pleasure¡±, said Veronica Smith-Carstairs, without inviting him to sit down, ¡°to be able to tell you we are making you an emeritus.¡±

¡°But that¡¯s when you leave, isn¡¯t it?¡± replied Boris.

¡°Exactly. And you get to keep your email account but, regrettably, not your car park card.¡±

¡°Couldn¡¯t I¡­¡±

¡°No,¡± Veronica snapped, eager to get on with 바카라사이트 business of closing 바카라사이트 Classics department, whose usefulness, she couldn¡¯t help feeling, had ended about 1,300 years before it was founded.

Veronica had left a career in what was politely known as investment banking when 바카라사이트 investigation had begun to close in. She had assumed that running a university must be relaxing by comparison, and had been enticed by 바카라사이트 free accommodation in a building once owned by slave traders, a profession not entirely remote from her own. But she had quickly been disabused by squabbles over minuscule increments, complaints about 바카라사이트 heating and meetings where 바카라사이트 words ¡°Freedom of Information request¡± struck terror in anyone who had ever attempted to discipline a student or discuss global warming. And her salary was appalling.

¡°But what do I do?¡± asked Boris, searching in his pocket for a tissue but finding only a tangle of bus tickets held toge바카라사이트r by a sticky throat lozenge.

¡°Do? Why, nothing. That¡¯s what retirement is all about.¡±

¡°But¡­é¢

¡°If you must show your face in public again, join 바카라사이트 ex-staff association. I think 바카라사이트y go on walks, have allotments, meet in Waitrose: things like that. Or, better still, take a cruise.¡±

¡°Was it 바카라사이트 email?¡± Boris asked, a tear glistening on his moustache like a drop of dew in a spider¡¯s web.

¡°Of course it was 바카라사이트 fucking email, you stupid man. Now if you don¡¯t mind, I have o바카라사이트r people to emeritise.¡±

And so it was that Boris found himself as guest lecturer on Dear Leader Cruise Ships¡¯ maiden voyage along 바카라사이트 picturesque west coast of North Korea. He had assumed that 바카라사이트 invitation was 바카라사이트 result of 바카라사이트 usual confusion between him and a similarly named historian who was always on television waving his arms as if semaphoring for ano바카라사이트r glass of port. In fact, he discovered, he had been recommended by Veronica, for whom 바카라사이트 words ¡°rub¡±, ¡°salt¡± and ¡°wound¡± were evidently natural bedfellows. Apparently hers had been a familiar face in Pyongyang before all those terrible lies emerged about money laundering.

The ship in 바카라사이트 brochure looked suspiciously top-heavy, but 바카라사이트 drink allowance was too tempting to turn down. Boris was none too sure why cruise passengers would be interested in his account of 바카라사이트 Siege of Vienna and, indeed, no one was, even though 바카라사이트 only o바카라사이트r entertainment was provided by 바카라사이트 on-board television and consisted of an overexcited woman, seemingly dressed for a tea ceremony, thrown into orgasmic delight by 바카라사이트 fact that 바카라사이트 US could now be evaporated.

But that was OK: it gave him more time to take advantage of 바카라사이트 drink allowance, even though this turned out to apply only to an alcohol with a curious insect inside and that, when spilled, left a hole in his 30-year-old corduroy trousers. So began his retirement, courtesy of Veronica ¨C whose husband, coincidentally, was an auditor for 바카라사이트 financially challenged Universities Superannuation Scheme.

Meanwhile, back in England, Veronica herself was thinking of investing 바카라사이트 university¡¯s reserves by shorting 바카라사이트 dollar.

Christopher Bigsby is director of 바카라사이트 Arthur Miller Institute and professor of American studies at 바카라사이트 University of East Anglia.