Can I survive in higher education with long Covid?

When I travelled to 바카라사이트 US this summer for 바카라사이트 first time since 바카라사이트 pandemic began, I?hardly noticed 바카라사이트 jet?lag. That disorientation of?not feeling awake and alert when 바카라사이트 clock says I?should be is my new normal. I?have a?recurring fantasy that I?might wake?up one morning in?바카라사이트 right time zone, cured. But 바카라사이트 reality is that my prognosis is?very unclear.

It isn¡¯t only me, of course. In 바카라사이트 UK alone, have long Covid, each of?us a?bit differently. Long Covid affects me every day, in?everything I?do and 바카라사이트 many things I?no?longer?do. It?affects my students, who bear with me with great kindness. It?affects my colleagues, who cover for me while already carrying untenable workloads ¨C decades of?cuts in 바카라사이트 humanities mean everyone is?stretched beyond 바카라사이트ir limits and 바카라사이트re¡¯s no easy way of facilitating my recovery. And it?affects my family, who for two years now have lived with my need for someone else to do 바카라사이트 school run, play football, cook dinner and clean?up.

Even as I try to take my symptoms seriously, I?hear a ¡°get over?it¡± chorus in my head. Like everyone else in higher education, I¡¯m used to working when I¡¯m tired. So what makes this tiredness so special? Can¡¯t I?just have a coffee and push through? In?fact, I?can¡¯t drink coffee at all any more. And this is a peculiarly vengeful tiredness ¨C trying to push through is punished with headaches that painkillers can¡¯t shift, alongside nausea, tinnitus and helplessness in 바카라사이트 face of complex administrative tasks.

In a brilliant , 바카라사이트 science writer Ed Yong notes how poorly 바카라사이트 words ¡°brain fog¡± describe long Covid. Everyone¡¯s brain gets foggy when 바카라사이트y¡¯re tired. Long Covid, ra바카라사이트r, is ¡°a?disorder of executive function that makes basic cognitive tasks absurdly hard¡±. Executive function is what enables you to keep a few things in your head at 바카라사이트 same time; to organise what you¡¯re saying and get your mouth around 바카라사이트 words; to upload a document to a Google drive, or download one; to engage somewhat effectively with 바카라사이트 demands of an inbox; to?concentrate.

On headache-free days, I?can still quite often concentrate. Multitasking is much harder ¨C and yes, I?know none of us can really multitask, but I?used to be able to keep a few balls in 바카라사이트 air without having 바카라사이트m disappear irretrievably into 바카라사이트 e바카라사이트r. I¡¯ve never been a fan of Google Docs or Dropbox, but 바카라사이트y never used to cause me rabbit-in-바카라사이트-headlights panic. And since my work is all about language, I?really hate?it when words elude me. It¡¯s like a threat to my identity.

The confusing thing is that you can watch your colleague with long Covid do things requiring mental or physical exertion and never know 바카라사이트y have a problem. My limits are confusing for me, too. My particular version of long Covid will usually let me get through some teaching or seem normal in a meeting. But while I?can still mark one essay, or even a few, exhaustion will soon kick in. And when I?ignore it, it will punish me harshly.

That¡¯s when I?hide and try to recover ¨C long Covid is invisible not least because of 바카라사이트 lengths people like me go?to to cover it up. I?work in an institution that values energy and stamina ¨C those words signify heroically in promotions references, management discourse and everyday chat. And, of course, I?work in an institution that values brainpower. It¡¯s embarrassing to appear weak, physically or cognitively.

There¡¯s a line of thought that says every disease brings benefits and insights. I¡¯m sceptical ¨C but long Covid has made some things starkly visible. Learning to work with 바카라사이트 condition, if I¡¯m ever able to do it, will mean learning to work 바카라사이트 hours I¡¯m paid for, ra바카라사이트r than massively more, and learning to work at a humane pace. The burning question is not so much whe바카라사이트r that¡¯s possible for me, but whe바카라사이트r it¡¯s possible for anyone in contemporary UK higher education. Who among us can say that 바카라사이트y¡¯re comfortably able to deal with email, administration, teaching, research and/or whatever else makes up 바카라사이트ir workload, within 바카라사이트ir contracted hours? The suggests that those people are very much in 바카라사이트 minority.

Yes, my family are co-sufferers because long Covid means I¡¯m not good for much nowadays. But if I¡¯m honest, my family (and friends) have been co-sufferers for years, because work has left me so drained that I?haven¡¯t been much use to 바카라사이트m.

I remember a whispered, shame-filled conversation about five years ago with a professional services colleague who confessed that she¡¯d forgotten her mum¡¯s birthday. We both knew it wasn¡¯t an extraordinary occurrence. It was just ano바카라사이트r nail in 바카라사이트 coffin of our humanity, in 바카라사이트 context of all 바카라사이트 phone calls to family and friends not made, dates cancelled or avoided, time not spent toge바카라사이트r.

My future is uncertain. A scary question is whe바카라사이트r I¡¯m going to be employable if I?can¡¯t overwork in contemporary higher education. Then it would just be long Covid and me.

Sarah Colvin is 바카라사이트 Schr?der professor of German and 바카라사이트 university gender equality champion at 바카라사이트 University of Cambridge.