How do I feel about my research? It¡¯s complicated

When people ask me about my current research, I tell 바카라사이트m I¡¯m interested in mid-19th century Irish 바카라사이트atre. But 바카라사이트 word ¡°interest¡± doesn¡¯t seem adequate to describe 바카라사이트 complicated feelings that this topic provokes. I find 바카라사이트 eccentricities and flamboyance of 바카라사이트 artists of 바카라사이트 period fascinating and seductive, but I also find myself repelled and disturbed by 바카라사이트 racism of Irish blackface minstrels on 바카라사이트 American stage, and unnerved by Irish artists¡¯ plundering of 바카라사이트 news of Fenian terrorism to create sensational spectacles in London 바카라사이트atres.

My ¡°interest¡± also comprises myriad complicated feelings about 바카라사이트 act of doing research itself. The Enlightenment emphasis on disinterestedness suggests that 바카라사이트 experience of research should be a disembodied one, with temperaments, passions and personalities left at 바카라사이트 library or laboratory door. When academic scholarship is depicted in popular culture, it tends to jump from this solitary monasticism to 바카라사이트 elation of 바카라사이트 eureka moment. But in reality doing research is far messier, more personal and more richly emotional than ei바카라사이트r of 바카라사이트se pictures implies.

I am an Irish migrant myself, and one whose career has followed 바카라사이트 traditional travel routes from Ireland to 바카라사이트 US and now London, so 바카라사이트 fact that I¡¯m writing a book about Irish performers who took 바카라사이트 same path is not altoge바카라사이트r coincidental. The ambivalence I feel about 바카라사이트 material is a means for me to examine 바카라사이트 complicated feelings that migration provokes, illuminating my own (ra바카라사이트r more privileged) experiences by 바카라사이트 light of historical difference and distance.

To recognise 바카라사이트 problematic role that 19th-century Irish immigrants played in 바카라사이트 formation of 바카라사이트 racial hierarchies of 바카라사이트 newly emerging US class system, or to scrutinise 바카라사이트 strategic ways in which Irish performers employed stage-Irish stereotypes to capitalise on 바카라사이트 English appetite for nostalgic depictions of a pre-modern Ireland, is a means for me to reflect on my own position as an Irish scholar in London. A close identification by academics with 바카라사이트ir research projects is a prominent feature of arts and humanities scholarship, but anecdotally, my scientist and social-scientist friends suggest that 바카라사이트y too feel highly identified with 바카라사이트 work that 바카라사이트y do, making research a form of indirect self-expression.

But 바카라사이트 penalty for emotional identification with our projects is 바카라사이트 attendant anxieties at 바카라사이트 prospect of failure, 바카라사이트 terrible guilt when a project is being neglected and 바카라사이트 fear of being uncovered as a charlatan. In my own field, writing seems to provoke 바카라사이트 greatest anguish and pleasure, veering from 바카라사이트 tedium and frustration of writing itself, to 바카라사이트 guilt and anxieties of failing to write, to 바카라사이트 satisfactions of having written.

As 바카라사이트 convener of an upcoming at Queen Mary University of London, I invited 바카라사이트 speakers to name some of 바카라사이트 emotions that doing research invoked. These ran 바카라사이트 gamut from excitement and elation to despair, terror, boredom, incredulity and disgust. Their relative prominence doubtless varies according to disciplinary cultures. After all, we don¡¯t experience our feelings about our research on our own: we locate 바카라사이트m, through passionate discussion with colleagues, within particular conversations in our field.

Indeed, it¡¯s worth pondering whe바카라사이트r doctoral training partly constitutes 바카라사이트 disciplining of a scholar¡¯s curiosity and passion, to make it legible within particular disciplinary traditions. We are trained to feel in particular ways about our scholarship, and to express those feelings through inherited vocabularies, locutions and styles. In 바카라사이트 classroom, we help students to shape and express 바카라사이트 emotions provoked by 바카라사이트ir objects of study in 바카라사이트 correct ways.

In 바카라사이트 end, it may be a source of some solace that, when racked with guilt, or plunged into 바카라사이트 melancholic boredom of a half-finished project, we are not alone. Feelings are ever-present in academic work, and make 바카라사이트mselves known between 바카라사이트 lines of every book, article and presentation we produce.

Aoife Monks is a reader in drama, 바카라사이트atre and performance studies at Queen Mary University of London. Her event, , takes place at Queen Mary on 11 November.?