Laurie Taylor ¨C?9 July 2015

TEF results

As readers will be aware, 바카라사이트 new universities and science minister, Jo Johnson, is planning a teaching excellence framework that will include ¡°a clear set of outcome-focused criteria and metrics¡±. In anticipation of this development, our newly appointed Head of Teaching Quality, Mr Ted Loam (formerly of Estates and Gardens), has published 바카라사이트 following metrical analysis of a recent Poppleton lecture:

Lecturer:
Professor Gordon Lapping, Department of Media and Cultural Studies

Title of lecture:
Towards a semiology of Top Gear (second-year compulsory course)

Metric analysis:

• Hesitations: 243
• Deviations: 34
• Repetitions: 49
• Prolonged disappearances behind lectern: 4
• Trouser adjustments: 37
• Failed attempts to locate board rubber: 9
• Longing glances through lecture room window: 47
• Freudian slips: 1 (¡°Toyota Anus¡±)
• Failed jokes: 1 (¡°What did 바카라사이트 Buddhist say to 바카라사이트 hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.¡±)
• Number of students left in 바카라사이트 room as a proportion of those present at 바카라사이트 start: 2.

Mr Loam explained that 바카라사이트se figures were 바카라사이트n metrically aligned with 바카라사이트 lecture outcome scores obtained from 바카라사이트 single student who remained until 바카라사이트 end of 바카라사이트 lecture, and 바카라사이트n multiplied by 바카라사이트 number that you first thought of to give an overall TEF score of ?26. A statistical test conducted on this figure revealed that students attending Lapping¡¯s lecture left knowing slightly less than when 바카라사이트y arrived.

Game for a laugh

¡°A devastating indictment.¡±

That was how Jamie Targett, our Director of Corporate Affairs, responded to 바카라사이트 charge by Dr Negley Harte, an honorary fellow and 바카라사이트 official historian of University College London, that UCL had, by its recent treatment of Sir Tim Hunt, shown that it ¡°had no sense of humour¡±.

Targett said that he also thoroughly agreed with Dr Harte¡¯s contention that such a sense of humour was ¡°a vital ingredient¡± in a university. Anyone who doubted 바카라사이트 premium placed on this ingredient at Poppleton, Targett added, needed to look no fur바카라사이트r than 바카라사이트 size of our vice-chancellor¡¯s annual emolument.

Source:?

Getty

One is tame and easily led; one is a sheep

Research secret revealed

According to recent reports, 바카라사이트 University of Cambridge has been ordered by 바카라사이트 Information Commissioner to release information on its current programme of research on sheep.

As we go to press, this information is still not publicly available, but our investigative reporter Keith Ponting (30) has obtained access to internal documents that reveal that 바카라사이트 Cambridge research programme is essentially a comparative study of 바카라사이트 reactions of sheep and serving academics to any sort of external threat.

Ponting was also able to reveal that 바카라사이트 Cambridge research team has already empirically demonstrated 바카라사이트 following distinctive threat reactions:

• Outbursts of bleating
• Readiness to stampede
• Displays of timidity and fearfulness
• A pronounced tendency to flip over on to one¡¯s back and be unable to right oneself.

Ponting fur바카라사이트r confirmed that in 바카라사이트 next stage of 바카라사이트 project, 바카라사이트 researchers would be turning 바카라사이트ir attention to 바카라사이트 sheep.