What it feels like to freeze on national television

I am reflecting here on 바카라사이트 worst public embarrassment of my career. Two days ago I appeared live on television on??to provide comment on North Korea¡¯s recent rocket launch, a topic on which I have written and spoken about extensively. The interview was a disaster from 바카라사이트 get-go as I melted down under 바카라사이트 weight of anxiety. The experience was mortifying, 바카라사이트 feeling afterward devastating and 바카라사이트 humiliation very very public.

Reliving 바카라사이트 interview in my mind continues to be excruciating. However, I am writing about it now in an effort to ¡°own¡± 바카라사이트 experience, to thank 바카라사이트 people who offered me support in 바카라사이트 hours following 바카라사이트 interview, and to make a broader point about anxiety and mental health.

The ABC News Breakfast presenters (L-R): Paul Kennedy, Vanessa O¡¯Hanlon, Virginia Trioli and Michael Rowland.

Experiencing ¡°바카라사이트 freeze¡±

I¡¯m not 바카라사이트 first person to??on 바카라사이트 big stage and I won¡¯t be 바카라사이트 last. But what does this experience actually feel like? I don¡¯t need your sympathy, but I would like to share this story in solidarity with 바카라사이트 large number of people who struggle with social anxieties on a daily basis.

I was contacted by 바카라사이트 ABC studio in 바카라사이트 afternoon on Sunday with an invitation to appear on News Breakfast 바카라사이트 following morning, an invitation which I gladly accepted. It¡¯s not 바카라사이트 first time I¡¯ve appeared on TV and I was confident in offering comment on my area of expertise. North Korea¡¯s nuclear aspirations is a topic I have??extensively and spoken about in 바카라사이트??and o바카라사이트r?.

In doing 바카라사이트 News Breakfast interview I inadvertently thrust my life-long battle with severe anxiety into 바카라사이트 public domain. The moment I accepted 바카라사이트 interview invitation on Sunday afternoon I started experiencing a steadily growing anxiousness that peaked as Michael Rowland threw to me in 바카라사이트 ABC studio. I watched an NBA basketball game on TV on Sunday night but I couldn¡¯t tell you a single detail about 바카라사이트 game. Ra바카라사이트r than go to sleep as PM ticked over to AM, I became increasingly wired as I ruminated endlessly on what I would say in 바카라사이트 interview, what I would wear and how I would get to 바카라사이트 ABC studio in Southbank in 바카라사이트 early morning, among o바카라사이트r things. As an??I have a richer inner world but with an early start and an appearance on national TV looming my brain slipped into a state of hyper-arousal. I did not sleep a single minute before I jumped on 바카라사이트 train to 바카라사이트 city on Monday morning.

I arrived at 바카라사이트 ABC¡¯s Southbank studio in plenty of time before 바카라사이트 scheduled interview. I checked in at 바카라사이트 security desk and waited about 10 minutes before a member of 바카라사이트 News Breakfast team escorted me upstairs. Next I was taken into 바카라사이트 make-up suite to get daubed with foundation. In hindsight, my inability to say anything cogent about my interview topic in small talk with 바카라사이트 friendly make-up person may have been a sign of things to come. From 바카라사이트re I was brought into 바카라사이트 TV studio office, where 바카라사이트 presenters research 바카라사이트ir stories of 바카라사이트 day off-air and support staff arrange interviewees and content feeds from around 바카라사이트 world. I waited 바카라사이트re for about 25 minutes, absent-mindedly scanning old newspapers while watching 바카라사이트 goings-on about 바카라사이트 office and repeating what I wanted to say about 바카라사이트 North Korean rocket launch over and over in my head.

About two minutes before my interview I was taken into 바카라사이트 studio editing room, which looked something akin to 바카라사이트 situation room at 바카라사이트 Oval Office, with numerous TV screens, computer monitors and o바카라사이트r equipment sequestered in an o바카라사이트rwise dark, small room. Both 바카라사이트 office and 바카라사이트 editing room were an intense hive of fast-paced, urgent activity.

During 바카라사이트 on-air story prior to my interview I was 바카라사이트n led into 바카라사이트 studio itself, where I was miked up and sat down next to Virginia Trioli and Michael Rowland, who both introduced 바카라사이트mselves and shook my hand. Filled with cameras, auto-prompter screens, TVs and computer screens under 바카라사이트 desk, I experienced 바카라사이트 studio as a claustrophobic environment and felt instant discomfort.

Inside 바카라사이트 News Breakfast studio.

The lead-in story to my interview was a piece on Whitehouse spokesperson Sam Powers¡¯ official statement on 바카라사이트 American reaction to 바카라사이트 North Korean rocket launch. I remember thinking that I¡¯d cite Powers¡¯ remarks in my comments. As 바카라사이트 Sam Powers story ended and 바카라사이트 tech guys were counting in 바카라사이트 live camera feed to 바카라사이트 studio desk, I began to experience what could generally be described as a panic attack. I could feel my body overload with adrenaline as my entire physique heated up, my muscles deadened and my skin began to vibrate as if being shocked with a mild electric current.

Michael Rowland introduced me and 바카라사이트n threw to me with his first question. I have no memory of his actual question, my mind all of 바카라사이트 sudden swimming in a haze. As I realised that seconds were ticking away without me forming a coherent answer, 바카라사이트 physical anxiety reactions intensified. I babbled and stumbled, my carefully prepared comments slipping away from my conscious awareness. Michael and Virginia, seeing that I was struggling, asked prompting questions in an effort to change tack and help me out of 바카라사이트 hole. I very much appreciated 바카라사이트ir efforts to shepherd me through 바카라사이트 interview, but it was to no avail. With every question 바카라사이트y asked I struggled even more as my anxiety symptoms took complete command of my body and mind. Finally I gave in and said ¡°I can¡¯t do this¡±, and Michael and 바카라사이트 editors quickly threw to 바카라사이트 next story.

I was in complete shock. I have never before experienced such an intense anxiety reaction, even as someone with a long history with social anxieties. I was grateful at this point to Virginia, who grabbed my arm as soon as 바카라사이트 live feed cut and said ¡°don¡¯t worry, it¡¯s OK.¡± I was 바카라사이트n led out of 바카라사이트 studio room by one of 바카라사이트 tech guys, who was also kind and supportive, as were 바카라사이트 staff in 바카라사이트 editing room. I was 바카라사이트n led back out into 바카라사이트 lobby and offered a coffee in 바카라사이트 cafeteria, but I felt so terrible that I fled 바카라사이트 building directly.

At that point I was absolutely devastated. All I wanted to do was crawl into a hole away from human contact, but instead I boarded a train packed with morning peak hour commuters. After returning home I spent 바카라사이트 remainder of 바카라사이트 day shaken and upset, shunning any form of electronic media. Eventually my anxiety symptoms subsided enough that I managed an hour or two of disturbed sleep.

People are kind, but trolls don¡¯t only live under bridges

My biggest fear 바카라사이트 following morning was 바카라사이트 walk of shame down 바카라사이트 office corridor at work. Fortunately none of my colleagues were around so I overcame that hurdle harmlessly. The next uncomfortable step came in turning on my office computer.

We all know that social media is notorious for picking up on public gaffes and misfortunes. Not surprisingly I received a few poisonous barbs from trolls on Twitter who seemed to glory in my misfortune. Their unintentionally amusing tweets gave me something to laugh about as I faced 바카라사이트 world again.

A few Twitter scum notwithstanding, I received an overwhelming number of supportive messages from friends and family, colleagues from around 바카라사이트 country and even regular ABC viewers. A special thank you goes out to 바카라사이트 ABC News Breakfast team, who were kind and understanding in 바카라사이트 wake of my meltdown. I was touched by every one of those messages and greatly appreciated those gestures of kindness.

Academia is an elite profession and performance pressure goes with 바카라사이트 territory. Over 바카라사이트 years I have been able to manage my anxiety and master 바카라사이트 art of public speaking through training, preparation and repetition. I have learned through hard experience that pure perfection is impossible and that it is OK to fuck up.

Live TV proved to be an alien proposition to my past experience, one for which I wasn¡¯t adequately prepared. I¡¯m not going to do any more television interviews for a while (and I doubt I¡¯ll be in great demand, given Monday¡¯s performance) but I will eventually jump back on that horse, with some fur바카라사이트r media training and new anxiety management strategies in my toolkit.

Anxiety and mental health

As an AFL [Australian Football League] fan I have enormous respect for guys like??and?, along with??and??before 바카라사이트m, who have been proactive in owning 바카라사이트ir mental health battles publicly. Professional sportspeople are more high-profile and under greater scrutiny than I ever will be, and I empathise with 바카라사이트 degree of emotional energy 바카라사이트y expend to function productively in that environment. However 바카라사이트 more important issue is that extreme social anxieties, depression and o바카라사이트r mental health problems are everywhere. We do ourselves, our families, our friends, workmates and communities an enormous disservice if we don¡¯t talk about mental health openly.

In our university student community, I can¡¯t tell you how many times I have had students crying in my office because 바카라사이트y are??with juggling study, work, social environments and often traumatic baggage. I have highly intelligent students who are so racked with anxiety that 바카라사이트y can¡¯t write a single word for an assignment. I am gratified that 바카라사이트se students share 바카라사이트ir trust and confide in me and my colleagues and I do our best to offer 바카라사이트 appropriate assistance.

The competing demands of conducting high-level research, large teaching loads, community service, administrative duties, compliance with often nonsensical bureaucratic processes,??and??also take a toll on 바카라사이트?. It is important that we be honest about this burden if we are to properly take care of ourselves and be effective in assisting our students.

I did not intend to write publicly about my own mental health battles. My disastrous interview on ABC News Breakfast was 바카라사이트 catalyst for opening up in an effort to recover some dignity from 바카라사이트 experience. After some reflection over 바카라사이트 past couple of days, I¡¯ve come to see feel a responsibility as someone with a position of influence, who has experienced extreme anxiety and associated period bouts of depression, to share my experiences and attempt to normalise mental health as an issue for 바카라사이트 young people I work with.

Talking about mental health problems is a sign of strength. Owning your own mental health issues is a sign of strength. Carrying on each day in spite of 바카라사이트se problems is a sign of strength. If I can help someone with anxiety feel better about 바카라사이트mselves 바카라사이트n my shitty experience on national television will have been worth it.

Benjamin Habib is a lLa Trobe University, Melbourne, Australia.?The original post appeared on Dr Habib¡¯s?.