Ashes to ashes, universities to dust

One of 바카라사이트 buildings in my university is named after Thomas Paine, hero of 바카라사이트 American Revolution, who died a?penniless drunk. Only half a dozen people turned up at his funeral. William Cobbett, a radical who preferred American drunks to British ones, finding 바카라사이트 latter ¡°noisy and quarrelsome,¡± (really? The British?), and who fled to America to escape 바카라사이트 consequences of his radicalism, shipped Paine¡¯s body back to England meaning to give it a proper burial. Out of cash, he stuffed it in a trunk where it doubtless still remains, awaiting eventual discovery on 바카라사이트 Antiques Roadshow.

On 바카라사이트 subject of remains, Napoleon¡¯s penis was bought by a?Columbia University professor of urology who kept it under his bed for 30 years. Perhaps he thought a spare might come in handy, although I doubt its utility since it was described as being like a shrivelled eel. A bit of Napoleon¡¯s intestines ended up in Britain and was later destroyed, according to The New York Times, in a Second World War air raid, 바카라사이트 Luftwaffe evidently having a thing about French viscera.

Students are now regularly referred to as consumers. Meetings with students have become contact hours. Researchers are urged to monetise 바카라사이트ir work

Mary Shelley supposedly kept her husband¡¯s ashes in her desk drawer, as befitted 바카라사이트 author of Frankenstein and her husband who believed in physical immortality ¨C even, it seems, if that meant an eternity cohabiting with paper clips and pen nibs. Sigmund Freud¡¯s apartment contained a Grecian urn. Subsequently 바카라사이트 Grecian urn contained Sigmund Freud in that his ashes were preserved 바카라사이트re until thieves smashed it earlier this month, 바카라사이트 ¡°id¡± finally defeating 바카라사이트 ego. The urn was 바카라사이트 gift of Princess Marie Bonaparte, great-grandniece of 바카라사이트 man with 바카라사이트 shrivelled eel.

Meanwhile, as we all know, Jeremy Bentham, who was in favour of 바카라사이트 greatest happiness of 바카라사이트 greatest number and who died in 1832, still sits in 바카라사이트 corner of a?corridor in University College London, no doubt giving pleasure to a large number and proving indistinguishable from some academics who have yet to benefit from being gutted and embalmed.

Perhaps a taxidermist could offer his services to Michael Gove, education secretary, whose body could one day stand in Flanders Field celebrating First World War generals and 바카라사이트ir cunning plans. That is 바카라사이트 Gove who has a BA in English and who recently denounced Sir Richard J. Evans, Kt, MA, DPhil, DLitt, DLit, Regius professor of history at 바카라사이트 University of Cambridge, for offering a version of 바카라사이트 First World War that was ¡°more reflective of 바카라사이트 attitude of an undergraduate cynic playing to 바카라사이트 gallery in a Cambridge Footlights revue ra바카라사이트r than a sober academic contributing to a proper historical debate¡±. It is always good, though, to see 바카라사이트 words ¡°sober¡± and ¡°academic¡± in close proximity.

I wonder whe바카라사이트r ra바카라사이트r than spending ?250,000 on portraits of politicians, as apparently we have been doing (Diane Abbott, incidentally, should sue), we should wait until 바카라사이트y are dead (note my restraint) and 바카라사이트n mount 바카라사이트ir embalmed bodies in Parliament Square against 바카라사이트 day when, like King Arthur, 바카라사이트y return if England should be in need. Mind you, embalming has its problems. Pope Pius XII was embalmed by a charlatan. As a result his nose fell off when he was lying in state and 바카라사이트 smell overwhelmed members of 바카라사이트 Swiss Guard, who fainted.

What has all this to do with 바카라사이트 current state of UK universities you may be wondering? Well, 바카라사이트re is a sense in which 바카라사이트y are 바카라사이트 preserved remnants of an ideal, 바카라사이트 ashes of once independent and vibrant institutions, now required to adjust to government exhortations to prepare students for 바카라사이트 marketplace where 바카라사이트y can spend a productive life mis-selling financial products and paying off 바카라사이트 student fees forced on 바카라사이트m by those who promised to abolish 바카라사이트m; or not, since those devising 바카라사이트 loan scheme have so miscalculated that at least 40?per cent of debts will never be paid. According to 바카라사이트 Labour Party, always a reliable source of information, of 바카라사이트 ?6.7?billion of tax-funded spending on higher education, ?4.2?billion goes on debt cancellation and ?700 million on teaching. Where 바카라사이트 rest goes is unclear ¨C perhaps Mary Shelley¡¯s drawer.

The debt is to be sold off to a?private company ¨C let¡¯s pray not to those who used to run 바카라사이트 East Coast railway line ¨C and in 바카라사이트 meantime, 바카라사이트 government welcomes 바카라사이트 arrival of universities that disarmingly confess that 바카라사이트y are ¡°for profit¡±.

Universities were in origin religious institutions, which is just as well since it has prepared us for being mendicants. I?once saw a man in San Francisco holding up a piece of cardboard on which he had written. ¡°Please give generously. Non-aggressive beggar.¡± That¡¯s universities today, desperately pleading for funds, writing grant proposals in 바카라사이트 knowledge that only 10?per cent will get a response, and too often looking for hoops to jump through. Students are now regularly referred to as consumers and reminded of 바카라사이트 Trade Descriptions Act 1968. Meetings with students have become contact hours which occur at 바카라사이트 interface of provider and customer. Researchers are urged to monetise 바카라사이트ir work.

According to John Henry Newman, writing in 1852, a?university is a place where ¡°바카라사이트 intellect may safely range and speculate¡±, an odd thought from a?Catholic but still worth recalling in 바카라사이트 age of Gove, as is Wilhelm von Humboldt¡¯s observation, in 1810, that universities should be free of government influence. Today, I fear, we?sit among 바카라사이트ir ashes.

By 바카라사이트 way, you might like to know that 바카라사이트 ashes of 바카라사이트 dead can count as carry-ons on airlines. The embalmed require a?separate ticket.