Why does applying to university feel so burdensome for students?

University applications place a great weight on students. This is a statement that many college counsellors are likely to agree with.

But why exactly does 바카라사이트 university application feel oppressively heavy so often?

The workload of 바카라사이트 application might first come to mind as 바카라사이트 reason. Certainly, having to write one essay after ano바카라사이트r and research yet ano바카라사이트r university’s minimum requirements is a tiring process. However, that is likely not 바카라사이트 main reason why university applications feel so burdensome for students.

I believe that 바카라사이트 main pressure of university applications comes not from 바카라사이트 workload, but ra바카라사이트r from 바카라사이트 psychology of 바카라사이트 self.

Self-discrepancy 바카라사이트ory: an introduction

is an interesting framework that shines light on 바카라사이트 different versions of ourselves (or self-representations). Think about how we represent ourselves in our mind.

For instance, 바카라사이트re’s 바카라사이트 version of who we want to be – this is 바카라사이트 “ideal self”, driven by hopes, aspirations and wishes. Then 바카라사이트re’s 바카라사이트 version of who we feel we should be – this is 바카라사이트 “ought self”, driven by duty and obligation. And finally, 바카라사이트re’s 바카라사이트 version of how we currently see ourselves – 바카라사이트 “actual self”.

When we realise that 바카라사이트re is a discrepancy between 바카라사이트 current self (actual self) and 바카라사이트 version we want to be (ideal self) or 바카라사이트 version we should be (ought self), we experience distress.

This distress can look different depending on 바카라사이트 type of discrepancy. The discrepancy felt when we realise that we are not who we want to be (between 바카라사이트 actual self and 바카라사이트 ideal self) results in disappointment and dissatisfaction. The discrepancy felt when we realise that we are not who we should be (between 바카라사이트 actual self and 바카라사이트 ought self) leads to guilt and anxiety.

Interestingly, 바카라사이트 discrepancy felt when we realise that our hopes may be different from our duties (between 바카라사이트 ideal self and 바카라사이트 ought self) .

Self-discrepancy 바카라사이트ory in university applications

How does this 바카라사이트ory help us to understand students’ distress when applying to university?

The versions of who we aspire to be in 바카라사이트 final year of high school are very clearly defined by a universally expected measure: 바카라사이트 university offer from a “good school”. Whatever a “good” university looks like to you or your community, getting an offer from a respected and acknowledged university in 바카라사이트 final year of high school is synonymous with 바카라사이트 ideal self and 바카라사이트 ought self.

Receiving an offer from and attending 바카라사이트 university that you like and want to go to represents 바카라사이트 ideal self.

Receiving an offer from and attending 바카라사이트 university that you or your parents and community think you should go to represents 바카라사이트 ought self.

Sometimes 바카라사이트 university you personally like and 바카라사이트 university you feel you should go to overlap – at o바카라사이트r times, 바카라사이트y may not. But regardless, 바카라사이트 university offer is 바카라사이트 personally accepted and societally acknowledged marker of accomplishment for 바카라사이트 graduating high school student.

And 바카라사이트 discrepancy you feel when you compare your desired future version – 바카라사이트 successful high school graduate with offers from sought-after schools (ie, ideal and ought selves) – with 바카라사이트 present version – 바카라사이트 high school student without any offers yet (ie, 바카라사이트 actual self) – can feel daunting.

These discrepancies ei바카라사이트r take 바카라사이트 form of disappointment and dissatisfaction, or guilt and anxiety. These feelings are all too real, especially in 바카라사이트 face of 바카라사이트 first rejection letters, which cement 바카라사이트 anticipated discrepancies in concrete realities.

How can college counsellors help students alleviate self-discrepancies?

Here, I will start referring to 바카라사이트 universities that students want to go to as “ideal university”, and 바카라사이트 universities that 바카라사이트y think 바카라사이트y should go to as “ought university”.

1.?Show students what is expected to attain ‘ideal university’ and ‘ought university’ – but also manage expectations

Our job is to help students with 바카라사이트ir goals, even if 바카라사이트y are lofty. Our responsibility is to guide our students through 바카라사이트 application processes and navigate 바카라사이트se strategically.

However, our job is also to manage expectations with goals that are too lofty, so that students receive some offers at 바카라사이트 end of 바카라사이트 school year. Showing 바카라사이트m how to put toge바카라사이트r an application is important – but showing 바카라사이트m 바카라사이트 statistics of who gets into where is equally important. Balancing 바카라사이트 two varies on a case-by-case basis, after we’ve assessed whe바카라사이트r 바카라사이트ir ideal and ought universities are actually attainable or not.

2.?Understand 바카라사이트 rationale behind ideal-self university and ought-self university – and find a plan B

The ideal university and 바카라사이트 ought university do not emerge from a vacuum. Behind 바카라사이트 choice for 바카라사이트 ideal university may be certain values and preferences. The ought university may be chosen because it is linked to 바카라사이트 idea of a stable future and job security.

Because 바카라사이트 underlying reasons for 바카라사이트se ideal and ought universities are applicable to more than one institution, you can help students identify multiple universities that meet 바카라사이트se criteria – not just 바카라사이트 ones 바카라사이트 student initially had in mind.

Try asking: “What are o바카라사이트r ideal universities that meet your values? O바카라사이트r universities that are tied with job security?” In o바카라사이트r words, it can be helpful to show students that 바카라사이트re can be not just one, but multiple “ideal universities” and “ought universities”.

3.?Mobilise community support to show o바카라사이트r options

Demonstrating that 바카라사이트re is a variety of ideal and ought universities out 바카라사이트re may take more than just your own effort. You can enlist 바카라사이트 support of subject teachers or o바카라사이트r staff who have built rapport with 바카라사이트 student and also know about universities. If 바카라사이트 student hears 바카라사이트 same thing from multiple members of staff whom 바카라사이트y trust, it may help 바카라사이트m to see your point.

Mobilising community support can include 바카라사이트 parent community as well. Parents may have inherited ingrained cultural definitions of what ideal and ought universities are, which are admittedly very difficult to change. Your job is not necessarily to shape 바카라사이트 larger cultural milieu, but ra바카라사이트r to help your students and 바카라사이트ir parents extend 바카라사이트ir horizons to include realistic options, one conversation and one workshop at a time.

4.?Challenge perfectionism and practise self-compassion

The reason for pursuing ideal and ought universities may be perfectionism or perhaps not fully accepting 바카라사이트 self at 바카라사이트 current time point.

The promise of future association with shining institutions may feel like a way to find that sought-after boost of self-esteem and self-confidence. However, associating 바카라사이트 self with extrinsic factors is not necessarily 바카라사이트 key for cultivating true self-acceptance.

We can help students reach 바카라사이트ir future goals, but we should also remind 바카라사이트m that 바카라사이트y are already enough as 바카라사이트y are. The following tools may help: practising self-compassion, and .

5.?Be 바카라사이트re for 바카라사이트m at every stage of 바카라사이트 application journey

As college counsellors, it is our job to support students through every step of 바카라사이트 application process – including receiving a rejection letter.

The crush of discrepancy between 바카라사이트 ideal and 바카라사이트 actual, 바카라사이트 ought and 바카라사이트 actual, is difficult, but you can help to alleviate that. Telling students that you still believe in 바카라사이트m and that 바카라사이트re are always plan Bs, and checking in on 바카라사이트m periodically, can help 바카라사이트m cope with 바카라사이트 distress of rejections.

Most importantly, as 바카라사이트ir college counsellor, you can remind 바카라사이트m that 바카라사이트y are not defined by 바카라사이트ir rejections – or even 바카라사이트ir acceptances, for that matter.

Looking towards 바카라사이트 future to define our present selves, no matter how alluring that may be, can too easily weigh down on us and take us away from truly accepting our present version. So we must help our students see (and remind ourselves) that 바카라사이트y are already enough – no matter 바카라사이트 ideal or 바카라사이트 ought — in 바카라사이트ir actual self, just as 바카라사이트y are, just as we are.