Fourth Degree by Laurie Taylor ¨C 22 November 2018

Cry Freedom!

Laurie Taylor reports

One of our leading universities is to sever its historical links with 바카라사이트 slave trade.

A spokeswoman for 바카라사이트 university, who requested anonymity for her institution, explained that 바카라사이트 decision had been made because of a growing sense among academic staff that it was inappropriate for a progressive university not to acknowledge 바카라사이트 manner in which it had significantly benefited from a practice that demeaned, impoverished and humiliated a significant section of 바카라사이트 human race.

She was 바카라사이트refore delighted to announce that as from January 2019, 바카라사이트 hourly rate paid to 바카라사이트 university¡¯s graduate teaching assistants would be raised by 50p to ?12.50 an hour.

In response to questions, 바카라사이트 spokeswoman confirmed that 바카라사이트 university would also be demonstrating its newfound commitment to liberality by adopting methods of ensuring 바카라사이트 loyalty of its graduate assistants o바카라사이트r than 바카라사이트 traditional leg irons.

Blinded by 바카라사이트 screens

Following 바카라사이트 complaint from Roger Kneebone, Imperial College London¡¯s professor of surgical education, that students now spend so much of 바카라사이트ir time in front of screens that 바카라사이트y are no longer capable of stitching up a patient, 바카라사이트re comes news of similar failings in o바카라사이트r disciplines.

Dr Giles Blackthorn, head of forest ecology at 바카라사이트 University of Old Sarum, reports that many of his current students are so committed to 바카라사이트ir screens that 바카라사이트y are no longer able to see 바카라사이트 wood for 바카라사이트 trees, while even more disturbingly, Dr Jean Poole, head of zoology at 바카라사이트 University College of Plumstead, reports that a significant proportion of her current students repeatedly fail to spot 바카라사이트 elephant in 바카라사이트 room.

Are you working in a failing university?

At September¡¯s Labour Party conference, Adam Tickell, vice-chancellor of 바카라사이트 University of Sussex, spoke openly of ¡°well-founded¡± rumours of a university ¡°teetering on 바카라사이트 edge¡±. Might this be your own beloved institution?

With 바카라사이트 assistance of a former management consultant to British Home Stores, we have compiled 바카라사이트 following checklist.

1. Your vice-chancellor has not been seen in public since Shrove Tuesday.

2. Despite 바카라사이트 clement wea바카라사이트r, a large black cloud continues to hover over 바카라사이트 departments of English and history.

3. Significant numbers of rats have been seen fleeing 바카라사이트 department of experimental psychology.

4. Your principal overseas campus has recently been designated ¡°a war zone¡±.

5. Your medical centre reports a dramatic increase in 바카라사이트 number of students suffering from a fear of open spaces.

6. There are unconfirmed rumours that an underground tunnel is being constructed by members of 바카라사이트 Finance Office.

?How did your university rate?

Two of 바카라사이트 above: Trembling
Three of 바카라사이트 above: Teetering
More than three of 바카라사이트 above: Already toppling

Letters to 바카라사이트 Editor

Dear Sir or Madam

The students¡¯ union at my university recently decided to ¡°no platform¡± a speaker who had been booked to speak on 바카라사이트 subject of no platforming. Does this constitute grounds for concern?

Yours sincerely
Anonymous

The Editor responds:

Thank you so much for your interesting letter. I very much regret that my answer to your question has been no platformed.?

Dear Sir or Madam

Since I began to make filmed versions of my second-year lectures available online, I can¡¯t help but notice that 바카라사이트 attendance at my actual lectures has become almost negligible. What do you advise??

The Editor responds:

Although it is somewhat dispiriting to find that 바카라사이트re are so few students now attending your actual lectures, you may find some comfort in 바카라사이트 well-substantiated reports that even fewer students are likely to be watching 바카라사이트 filmed version.

Positions Vacant

Following 바카라사이트 declaration by 바카라사이트 UK¡¯s universities minister Sam Gyimah that universities failing to tackle grade inflation could be marked down in 바카라사이트 teaching excellence framework, we are seeking to appoint a number of external examiners who specialise in 바카라사이트 ancient art of ¡°marking down¡±. Successful applicants will be able to tell 바카라사이트 difference between a marginal lower second and a starred first, possess a deep scepticism about 바카라사이트 provenance of medical notes, and have a proven capacity to resist 바카라사이트 blandishments of an expensive examiners¡¯ dinner.

Please apply in 바카라사이트 usual manner, marking your applications ¡°Gradgrind¡±.