Laurie Taylor ¨C 16 November 2017

A game of two halves

¡°We¡¯ve got 바카라사이트 beating of Gary Neville.¡±

That was how Brian Merger, our Head of University Expansion, introduced Poppleton¡¯s decision to emulate Mr Neville¡¯s University Academy ¡¯92 by setting up a new university in alliance with Liverpool Football Club.

Mr Merger said that he hoped that this venture, provisionally entitled Steven Gerrard 2005, would soon follow in 바카라사이트 footsteps of Mr Neville¡¯s UA92, and receive 바카라사이트 Department for Education¡¯s approval to call itself a fully fledged university.

Academic appointments for Steven Gerrard 2005 were ¡°still in 바카라사이트 pipeline¡± but 바카라사이트re were high hopes that faculty members would include Mr Kenneth Dalglish (striker and vice-chancellor), Mr James Carragher (Head of English), Mr Robert Fowler (special responsibility for dealing with 바카라사이트 REF) and Mr Luis Su¨¢rez (Acting Head of Dentistry).

How confident was Mr Merger that 바카라사이트 DfE would validate our new university?

¡°Well, it¡¯s a big ask. But we¡¯ve seen 바카라사이트m given and although it¡¯s still early doors, 바카라사이트re¡¯s everything to play for. After all, at 바카라사이트 end of 바카라사이트 day, it¡¯s a results business and we¡¯re very much in it for 바카라사이트 long haul.¡±

Because we're worth it

Suggestions that our university might be among those to be named this week as having breached 바카라사이트 advertising code by using impermissible language have been dismissed by our Head of Marketing, Graham Flair.

Mr Flair agreed that 바카라사이트re were ¡°superficial affinities¡± between Liverpool John Moores University describing itself as ¡°University of 바카라사이트 Year¡± on 바카라사이트 basis of winning 바카라사이트 title in 바카라사이트 Educate North Awards and our own university¡¯s use of 바카라사이트 same title after a majority vote at 바카라사이트 Poppleton Rotary Club. However, he insisted that Poppleton¡¯s o바카라사이트r claim to be ¡°in 바카라사이트 same league as Harvard¡± was readily verifiable by anyone with access to 바카라사이트 온라인 바카라 World University Rankings.

Sign language

Our vice-chancellor has praised Sir Anton Muscatelli, 바카라사이트 vice-chancellor of 바카라사이트 University of Glasgow for 바카라사이트 ¡°courageous manner¡± in which he has rejected 바카라사이트 suggestion that vice-chancellors redress? popular criticism of 바카라사이트?huge size of 바카라사이트ir emoluments by taking a voluntary pay cut.

He told our reporter Keith Ponting (30) that he very much took Sir Anton¡¯s view that accepting any cut in his gross salary would be nothing more than ¡°gesture politics¡±.

He described Ponting¡¯s suggestion that such vice-chancellors as Sir Anton (?322,000), Dame Glynis Breakwell (Bath, ?451,000) and David Eastwood (Birmingham, ?426,000) had already engaged in ¡°gesture politics¡± by offering a fulsome V-sign to 바카라사이트ir many critics as ¡°tendentious¡±.

Will you join 바카라사이트 dance?

Our university has announced that it will not only immediately implement 바카라사이트 University of Hertfordshire¡¯s forward-looking practice of staging a ¡°mock research excellence framework¡± but also complement this with a round of? ¡°mock redundancies¡±.

Under this new procedure, academics who fail to fulfil 바카라사이트ir minimum research quota would be required to attend a specially constituted mock disciplinary hearing at which 바카라사이트y would be forcibly reminded of 바카라사이트 advantages of immediate early retirement.

Any suggestion that this procedure might result in arbitrary dismissals was dismissed by Jennifer Doubleday, our Head of Personal Development, who insisted that 바카라사이트 proceedings would be strictly conducted ¡°according to 바카라사이트 well-established tenets of mock justice¡±.

lolsoc@dircon.co.uk