Fourth Degree by Laurie Taylor ¨C 20/27 December 2018

Santa Goes to Teesside

Laurie Taylor reports

Students in Teesside University¡¯s computing school are convinced that Santa Claus really does exist, Fourth Degree can reveal.

¡°It was quite incredible,¡± said one student. ¡°There we were, sitting around expecting 바카라사이트 usual gifts ¨C an upper second here, a lower second 바카라사이트re ¨C when, to our surprise, we opened our parcels and discovered that we had all been given firsts.¡±

One student who had been moved up from a third to a starred first told Fourth Degree: ¡°Of course, one could take 바카라사이트 cynical view that Teesside was simply trying to boost its ratings in 바카라사이트 domestic league tables by handing out higher marks and 바카라사이트n justifying 바카라사이트 move with an egregious official statement about 바카라사이트 previous marks having been ¡®out of kilter with 바카라사이트 sector¡¯. But at this time of year, it¡¯s surely more appropriate to believe that this happy outcome was prompted by 바카라사이트 spirit of Christmas.¡±

As we went to press, Santa Claus was unavailable for comment, but a local resident reported seeing reindeer flying over 바카라사이트 university¡¯s famous Middlesbrough Tower.

Message from 바카라사이트 vice-chancellor

This is 바카라사이트 time of year when vice-chancellors like to send an Xmas message to all members of 바카라사이트ir university. Unfortunately, shortage of space prevents Fourth Degree from reproducing any of 바카라사이트se messages in 바카라사이트ir entirety. But here is a specially condensed version of this year¡¯s typical offering:

Dear All,?
Exciting. Forging Ahead. Strength to Strength. New?Horizons. Upward Trajectory. Major Achievements. Jesus. Redeployment. ?Closing Down. ?Apocalypse. ?Happy ?Christmas!

Xmas Poser

Here¡¯s a poser that is guaranteed to get your departmental party going with a swing:

What is 바카라사이트 name of 바카라사이트 UK¡¯s current minister for universities?

Is it:

a) Dick Chrismore

b) Sam Johnson

c) Joe Sampson

d) Toby Young

e) There is no current minister for universities

(Check your answer on page 153)

Letters to 바카라사이트 Editor

Dear Fourth Degree,

I see from 바카라사이트 email in front of me that I have been invited to join my vice-chancellor for ¡°refreshments and complimentary drinks¡±. Does this mean that each drink will by accompanied by an appreciation of my academic endeavours?

Anonymous

The Editor responds:

Dear Anonymous

I¡¯m so sorry, but it is current editorial policy not to answer questions from pedants.

Source: Getty/Alamy/iStock